Relationships

How to approach someone with confidence

Author: Canadian Living

Relationships

How to approach someone with confidence

Nicholas Boothman says that how we approach people and the gestures we use directly influence how a potential mate will respond to us.

In his book, How To Make Someone Love You Forever! in 90 Minutes or Less, author Nicholas Boothman says that how we approach people and the gestures we use directly influence how a potential mate will respond to us. Booth joined Balance Television host Dr. Marla Shapiro with his tips on how to approach strangers.

Boothman said that meetings we have with strangers can be broken down into two groups: open field encounters or close field encounters. In an open field encounter, you would have the urge to talk to a complete stranger, with no social situation to ease the tension, i.e. an airport. Boothman said the likelihood of a match in this event is small, because you don't know anything at all about the person you are approaching.

Close field encounters are more conducive to meeting someone. In a closed field encounter it's not unusual to talk to someone you don't know, because where you are dictates a common interest, i.e. a pottery class or a dinner party. It's much easier to approach someone in a closed field situation, Boothman explained.

In either case, there are ways to make the approach a little easier. "Conversational postulates" or soft questions are easy for people to respond to. Another way to approach someone is to "assume rapport" -- basically to establish a familiarity, behave as though the person is a cousin or a friend. By throwing out a remark or question with non-threatening familiarity, you are offering an olive branch of conversation to someone, and allowing them to choose whether to reciprocate in kind.

The importance of body language
Body language
also plays a crucial role in how a potential mate will respond. By your body language you can send the answer with the question, Boothman said. Through nodding, or shaking your head you can influence what's going to happen.

Body language is the most powerful thing, Boothman said.

"You see, the basis of getting someone to love you is getting them to like you." When you like someone, you often mimic their stance, their gestures. When you're open to someone, your arms are slack and your stance is vulnerable. Open body language exposes your heart, Boothman said, while closed body language protects it.

If approaching a total stranger still seems intimidating, Boothman recommends practicing on someone who is relatively safe.

But in the end, he said, it's really quite simple. "If you were in a art gallery and you saw someone looking at a picture, just ease up next to them. Stand in the same way they're standing, more or less. Look at the picture and say ‘isn't that nice'?"

There. You've just approached a total stranger, and because of the body language you used and the questions you asked, you may have just found a potential partner.


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