Q&A: Is dating worth the effort?
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Q&A: Is dating worth the effort?
About a month after my boyfriend and I got together, he moved to another city two hours away for work. We decided to keep seeing each other but I feel like I'm the only one making the effort to travel. I visit him regularly, yet he has only come to see me once. When I'm with him he is absolutely perfect – yet I feel very rejected because I ask him to come and visit me and there is always a reason why he can't. What can I do?
– Tired of travelling, C.
It sounds like you've got a good guy since your visits are so great! And what is so bad about getting the opportunity to take a mini-vacation from your day-to-day life and have romantic weekends with your new boyfriend?
Think of it as being invited by someone who seems crazy about you to really get to know about his new life in this new city and help him create a foundation that includes you.
Remember – he just moved and the adjustment to a new place and a new job is a lot to handle, and sometimes it's a good idea to stay put when so much transition is taking place.
I can understand, though, that you would like more of a fair "ebb and flow" of travelling between you. A good idea is to communicate with him that you want to work out another agreement. Sit down with each other and talk it through.
Address your feelings behind the traveling issue and listen to his feelings and thoughts, then come up with a scenario that works for both of you. For instance, you may agree to travel for one more month to see him and then he will need to agree to travel for a month to see you. Then, after his month, you can trade off each time.
Don't take it personally that he hasn't come to see you just yet. Rest assured you are invited into his new life and are helping him create and sculpt it on each and every trip. Bon voyage!
Page 1 of 2 -- Discover how to make communicating with technology work for you on page 2
Q: Dear Karinna,
Over the last year, almost every guy I have given my number to hasn't called me back. They seem interested, try hard to get my attention, and then they just text message. Are they trying to make it so I call them instead? It seems like they are playing a game. Do you think they are just asking for my number to boost their ego or is there something different I can do to get them to call?
– So call me, maybe, N.
An interested guy or girl should call when they say they will!
You are not alone in feeling frustrated by someone not communicating when they have enthusiastically and voluntarily told you they would. Dating skills as a whole seem to have hit an all-time low lately, which I believe has a lot to do with texting becoming the normal mode of communication.
Don't get me wrong – the advances in technology are incredible and they are to be enjoyed. However, there is something significant about an actual phone call.
Making a call takes courage; it's time set aside for a real conversation. Email and texting take seconds or minutes, and anything that feels challenging to communicate becomes a lot easier. Often it is so easy to communicate with technology you don't really "communicate" at all.
Here are two tips to get that phone ringing:
Tip #1: Be bold
If you are interested in any of the guys who have already texted you, text them back and say, "Give me a call. I look forward to speaking with you." Then the ball is in their court again. If they do call you, then you will know if they are really interested.
Tip #2: Be clear
Before giving out your number to a new guy, let them know that your preference is to be contacted by phone and that you don't respond to text messages.
Often, tech-savvy people have to be coached in communicating with a real-life person. Don't be afraid to use your own communication skills and tell them what would work best for you.
Karinna Kittles-Karsten is an internationally recognized love educator and keynote speaker on creating high quality LOVE in our personal relationships as well as global connectivity. She is author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. For more information visit www.sacredlove.com.
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