If you meet enough people, you will certainly find someone with whom you feel chemistry. It doesn't matter if you are happily married and securely attached -- if you spend private or secret time with someone you're attracted to, the chemistry will escalate into infatuation. Along with your natural inhibitions of fear and shame, your rational decision-making will go out the window -- you'll be calling him your soul mate when you've never had a real date in public let alone weathered a disappointment. Because you cannot avoid the trap of chemistry, it is absolutely crucial to be honest with yourself about your commitment to your relationship and the ground rules that you both agree upon. The following quiz can help.
The following items represent beliefs and practices related to the strength of your commitment to your partner and your relationship. Read each statement and answer "true" or "false."
• I focus more on my partner's faults than on his/her strengths.
• I have habits of great concern to my partner (for example, drinking, spending, overworking, flirting, displaying anger).
• I am in a better mood at work than I am at home.
• I am difficult to live with.
• I prefer sharing exciting events with someone other than my partner.
• I put my own needs before my partner's.
• I put my own needs before the needs of the relationship.
• I wouldn't want my partner to know about all the activities I engage in on the computer.
• I have romantic fantasies about a person in my life other than my partner.
• I dress to attract the attention of someone other than my partner.
• I talk negatively about my partner to others.
• I would rather spend time with my friends/colleagues than my partner.
• I have romantic feelings for someone other than my partner.
• I have sent e-mails I would not want my partner to read.
• I get more pleasure from work than from my relationship.
• I have more than one friend that I am closer to than my partner.
• I put far more energy into my work than my relationship.
• I'm nicer to other people than I am to my partner.
• Much of the time I spend with my partner I am stressed out or exhausted.
• I am continually multitasking.
• It's difficult for my partner to get my undivided attention.
• I give my hobbies/pastimes more attention than I give my partner.
• My favourite activities do not include my partner.
• I leave it up to my partner to keep the excitement going.
• My life has few high points.
• Even good events don't make me as happy as I think they should.
The purpose of this quiz is to give you an objective look at your commitment to your relationship -- as well as your general well-being. It is important to remember that your overall attitude reflects the strength of your commitment to a happy healthy relationship. Generally, the more "true" answers you gave, the weaker your commitment. If you do not consistently shine the light of your soul on your relationship, it can die without your ever talking about it.
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|Excerpted from How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. Copyright 2007 by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. Excerpted by permission of Broadway Publishers. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.|