6 steps to small-talk success

It's that time of year again, when office parties, dinner parties and all other forms of social soirees become the norm. While fun for some, the thought of making small talk with total strangers can bring panic to others.

Erika Hilliard, a registered clinical social worker in Vancouver, British Columbia and author of Living Fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety: a Comprehensive Guide to Gaining Social Confidence (Marlowe & Company, 2005) offers her tips on preparing for party season.

1. Have a plan of action
Make a list of party anxieties and then give them a more realistic spin, Hilliard suggests. Your anxieties can easily take over your thoughts if you let them. By staying ahead of what might worry you, you can plan in advance for how to deal with social snafus. For example, if you know that you're going to panic about not having anything to say, choose some possible conversation topics before you head out the door so you'll have something to rely on when you get there.

Come prepared with three topics you can draw on in case you're stuck for something to talk about. Hilliard suggests recent movies, news or current events, and your own interests and hobbies. But avoid putting too much pressure on yourself. "Don't think you have to carry the entire weight of the conversation. Do expect some awkwardness and silence – that's normal," Hilliard says.

2. Do some imagery work
It's easy to get into a pattern of negative thinking, especially if we already feel anxious. To combat it, the best defence is a positive offence. Instead of painting a negative picture of what you think will happen at the party, paint a wonderful picture of what you want to experience, explains Hilliard. "Imagine yourself at the party, reaching out to someone first."

A good way to further your positive imagery is affirmations. Say positive affirmations in your head, Hilliard suggests. Keep them short and in the present tense such as "I am enjoying myself." Or "This is a fun party." Your body responds to what is going through your mind. If you are painting a negative picture of your situation or thinking negative thoughts, your body will respond with stress, Hilliard explains.

Page 1 of 2 — on page 2, learn how to stay calm and take initiative.