Funny New Year's resolutions for the family

My husband is not the only one in my house who needs to make resolutions to help start the New Year on the right foot. In a household like mine where children range in age from 3 to 14, the opportunities for self-improvement are vast.

Resolutions for pre-schoolers
1. It does not matter if my socks go on before my underwear. I can be flexible. I can even not have the stitch line on the top of my socks align perfectly across my foot.
2. Zits on teenagers are not to be commented on in any way, as I understand that "my time will come."
3. I need to accept that I am not the boss -- not even of me.
4. The size of Mommy's bum is not something that should be discussed in public, or ever.
5. I will not add my personal artistic flair to pieces of artwork already created by my six-year-old sister, even though anyone can tell it adds complexity and drama.

Resolutions for primary school age
1. I need to recognize that when Mommy's face turns red and she starts a sentence with "What did I just say?" that any activity I am involved in needs to cease immediately.
2. I must recognize that parents are not aware that a bouncy ball must be bounced a minimum of 1,147 times in a row before the urge passes.
3. I can own more than one favourite shirt and cool pair of pants at the same time.
4. I need to understand that no washing machine can clean aforementioned favourite shirt and cool pants in 3.4 seconds. It takes much longer and my incessant questioning only makes it seem longer (to Mommy).
5. Calling my 12-year-old brother by his babyish nickname, "Panda Bear" for example, is both unnecessary and pain-inducing when said "bear's" friends are in his den.

Resolutions for tweens
1. I must accept that owning 27 Gamecube games is "enough already."
2. If I insist on playing my AC/DC, Aerosmith or Ozzy Osbourne CD's loudly the ‘rents are likely to sing along and play air guitar (shudder). Investing in headphones is a good use of my allowance money.
3. I need to find an alternative responses to replace the following: "whatever," "then don't look at it" and "oh, you're cool, Mom." Total silence is an option.
4. My parents think it is funny to kid me about boyfriends/girlfriends. I need to humour them, as when the day actually comes that I have one, the joke will be on them.
5. The ancient custom of eating three solid meals a day is not optional with Mom. Move on.

Resolutions for teens
1. I will try to show at least one square foot of clean carpet in my bedroom, at all times, as evidence that I am working on it.
2. Although I know everything, it is apparently increasingly annoying to my parents to point this out on a regular basis. Purported "things I don't know" are not worth knowing but comments to support this argument are best kept to myself.
3. Excessive eye rolling can be hazardous to my health. Not to my eyes per se, but to my social life and so-called "privileges." I will practice steadying my eye movement in the mirror while repeating Mom-isms in my head (for example, "I just know," "I did warn you" and "because your brother is three").
4. I must accept that my friends' parents are much better at every aspect of parenting than my own, and attempts at ingraining their superior parenting techniques into my own parents' methodology are futile.
5. Even though parents seem to not be doing anything most of the time, apparently adults are "too busy" for most things which involve me (for example, the only things worth doing in this lame house). I will try harder to start each sentence with "I know you're busy" (while suppressing the previously mentioned eye rolls) so as to smooth the way for many imperative activities to take place.

So, am I perfect? Is anyone? I throw down the gauntlet to my own family to produce for me a similar list of behaviours and attitudes that I might look into improving in the New Year. Then I invite them to make dinner for the next 427 nights and to do their own laundry. I thought so. Motherhood thy name is leverage.

Now that you've heard the resolutions Kathy Buckworth would have her family make, tell us about some of the changes you would make in your home. Just click on our feedback button at the bottom of the page.