If you're in a similar position, "have faith in yourself," says Maier. "You can get through it and there's more to life than money." It's a mantra I've repeated to myself throughout this long first year of my new existence as a solo parent. Sometimes I ignore the words and feel sorry for myself. But mostly they reassure me.
3. Determine your cash flow
Add up your monthly gross income from your salary, spousal or child support, investments, and government payments or benefits. Then tally all your expenses – housing, car loans, clothing, sports, bank fees, snow removal, gifts and yes, even kids' haircuts. (TIP: Spousal support is taxable, so set aside money for that as well.) Many costs will be annual, such as property tax and association dues, so average them out as a monthly total. For better or worse, the difference between income and outlay should reveal whether
4. Talk to your bank
That's what Karen Malatesta did in 2003, when her 16-year marriage ended. Wishing to keep her Toronto home, the 45-year-old banker and mother of two cut a deal with her husband. She'd sell in two years; he'd hold a lien for half the equity until then. Key to her success was speaking to her banker early, as soon as she knew her monetary position. Bonus: Most banks and credit unions offer free financial counselling.
Not everyone is as fortunate as Karen. Still, your bank may be able to help. "Find out if you can reduce your mortgage payments or defer a payment until you get on your feet," says Karen. "But do it soon. They can't do anything if you're six months in arrears. By then, it goes to a collection agency and it's out of the hands of the branch."
5. Make a budget
By the time she'd been a single parent for six months, Alison Weatherston, 44, had her ducks in a neat financial row. But it wasn't easy. Convinced she couldn't keep her small home near Ottawa, the mother of two avoided her bank. But when she got up the courage to go, she was pleasantly surprised. Taking her midrange income into account, along with bills and debts, her banker determined she could increase her mortgage, buy out her ex, and pay his half of the house equity.
It was a smart move – but it left her on a fixed budget with little wiggle room. "I sat down with a pad of paper and put income on one side and outgoing costs on the other," says Alison. "It wasn't very high-tech. I played with the numbers to a certain extent – once this bill is paid off, it frees up that money. Where else can I put it?" It's a realistic approach many sole parents eschew, says Maier. "At some point, you need to cut back. You have to deny yourself something now to have something in the future."
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