The "family bed"
Whether or not parents should share their bed with their children is controversial-everyone knows some who do it and others who discourage it. Certainly expert opinions vary widely. Like most parenting issues, family-bedding goes in and out of vogue. But the practice has spent more time in vogue than it has out.
Parents and babies have slept together since the beginning of time. During the medieval era, everyone in the household clambered into the same bed at the end of the day, including the servants. It wasn't until the beginning of the twentieth century that most families provided a separate bed for their babies. Moving babies out of the parental bed fit with the temper of the times, since the prevailing wisdom was that mothers should not rock, cuddle, or kiss their babies lest they impede the development of their independence. The pendulum swung back again, starting in the 1950s, when some child-rearing publications began to suggest that it was acceptable for babies to share their parents' bed at times.
Today, opinions are split, usually depending on the age of the child. A nursing mother will catch some extra sleep by having her newborn beside her when she wants her midnight snack. Certainly, having a newborn's crib or cradle in your bedroom for the first several weeks is practical because she wakes several times a night for a feeding and a clean diaper. It has also been suggested that the family bed might help alleviate new mother's postnatal depression because the presence of her newborn makes her feel fulfilled.
The "family-bed" decision
But once a baby begins sleeping through the night, you may find that everybody gets a better sleep if she has her own room. Babies can be noisy, restless sleepers and their fitful periods throughout the night may hinder your own shuteye. Conversely, she might be a light sleeper, waking at your every stir. Even if she doesn't yet have her own room, partitioning the room with a screen gives each of you some privacy.
Some parents have a big family bed, open to any child wanting comfort and a cuddle. Many parents feel that their baby will develop a greater sense of security by sleeping with them than by sleeping alone in a crib. But the baby's safety is a major concern, especially up to the age of two. If either adult is a heavy or restless sleeper, he or she might roll over onto the baby. Parents should also be aware that there is risk of suffocation for a young child because of the bedding -- pillows, down comforters, blankets.
Having a child in their bed at night will affect the renewal of the parents' sex life; and there is the possibility that, when the adults want their child to sleep in her room, they'll find that she can't cope with sleeping on her own. Once the child has graduated from crib to bed, some parents choose to comfort her by lying beside her in her own bed until she falls asleep.
Your decision about the family bed is entirely your own. Be flexible, and don't be afraid to admit that the choice you originally made didn't turn out to be right for your family. After all, you cannot know what works for you until something does.
Excerpted from Growing with Your Child: Pre-Birth to age 5 by Christine Langlois. Copyright 1998 by Telemedia Communications Inc. Excerpted, with permission by Ballantine Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
