Tag Archives: humour
This week’s Funny Friday moment is brought to you by one of our dear Canadian Living readers.
I decided to introduce my girls to a new food item.
Asian Yams made their appearance at our dinner table for the first time tonight.
With puzzled looks on their faces, the girls looked at it and started up with a long line of questioning
“What is it?”
“Do I like it?”
“Have I ever had it?”
After a little persuasion from both their dad and I, they agreed to try it.
Towards the end of the meal, I glance over and notice the yam had been pushed off to the sides of their plates.
I asked my 11 year old what she thought of it.
She replied that it had no taste, was a bit mushy and that she didn’t much care for it.
I then turned to my 8 year old and asked her the same question.
She abruptly threw down her utensils, pushed back her chair and disgustingly said “I DON’T LIKE THE YAK!”
We all burst out laughing.
Do you have a funny moment to share? I’d love to include it here. Please e-mail me at email@example.com so we can spend our Friday’s LOLing at your kids funny antics.
Did your mom scratch some other mom’s eyes out at the toy store to get you the last Cabbage Patch Doll on display? No? Then I suppose you didn’t grow up in the 80s. Or perhaps you had a sensible mom. These three fine Cabbage Patch Doll specimens come from my co-editor Jenn Gruden’s collection. She says their names are “Adam, Victoria Anne and Veronica Elspeth.” The redhead is Victoria Anne, should these things matter to you. Anyhow, I was born in the 70s but my kid-years were in the 1980s, and here’s why I think that was the best decade ever:
1. Cabbage Patch Dolls. Duh.
2. Jelly bracelets. Always confiscated by the teacher, but still so much fun. Then came Madonna writhing all over Venice like a virgin, and we scrapped the colourful ones and got into the thick black ones.
3. Handwritten folded-up notes: “Will you be my boyfriend? Circle Yes No Maybe”
4. Duran Duran.
5. Stirrup stretch pants.
6. Hi-top sneakers: British Knights and LA Gear.
7. Crimped hair.
8. Those little square buttons you wore on your jean jacket with heartthrobs on them, like Micheal Jackson or Tommy Howell.
9. Wondering who the hell the band Menudo was, and why they were on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine.
10. Jumpsies, played with a hand-knotted rope of like 10,000 rubber bands you stole from the kitchen rummage drawer. You had to do a cartwheel to nail the top height.
11. Nerds candy.
12. Runts candy.
13. Track suits that were sewn inside-out.
14. The Cosby Show.
16. The Commodore 64 and the Apple II.
17. Strawberry Shortcake. The doll, not the food.
18. Speak & Spell.
19. Head of the Class. A TV show about a class full of smart kids. Huh. Imagine that on TV today?
20. Big Wheels tricycles, borrowed from a neighbourhood friend.
21. My Little Pony. The original.
22. The Goonies.
24. Your mom’s shoulder pads.
25. Dirty Dancing. ‘Nuff said.
So? What did I miss? Tell me, tell me!
(Photo credit: Jennifer Gruden.)
Listen, whatever you do, if your childless and reading this, think twice before you say any of the following. Because here’s what you say, and what I would like to say back. Except I’m usually too tired to come up with a snappy retort.
1. “I’m soo tired.”
No you’re not.
2. “My place is a mess.”
Dustballs and clothes lying on the floor? That’s a clean day. Let’s have this convo again when you have kids and you’re cleaning some disgusting brown mess off the kitchen floor, and you’re not entirely sure what the brown is.
3. “My boobs just aren’t the same as they were in my twenties.”
Don’t make me get graphic on you.
4. “The laundry just piles up.”
Again. Nope. I own three laundry baskets and they’re always full.
5. “I’m just so busy!”
Ha. Ha. You’re kidding, right?
6. “You look tired.”
Oh thanks, I didn’t know that. I thought I looked like the picture of youthful vitality with these giant puffy bags under my eyes.
7. “It takes me so long to get out of the house in the morning.”
Girl, please. If you’re just dressing yourself, you have no excuse. Try getting a crying kid fed, dressed and out the door for, oh, any occasion at all. Like going to the grocery store.
8. “Aren’t you having any more kids?”
Ugh. I hate this one. How much do you want to know? Because it’s not a one-sentence answer if you want me to be truthful, but I think you’re expecting a one-sentence answer. So here it is: It’s none of your business. (Actually this one goes to fellow moms out there too.)
So those are the things I don’t like hearing…what do you say to silly questions and statements?
Photo credit: Walter J. Pilsak via Wikimedia Commons
I love listening to the crazy things kids say.
My Friday blog will be all about that…the funny, the insane, the absurd…the crazy things kids say!
This week’s post is brought to you by one of my very own…my insane and absurd son.
My youngest is reading in her room:
“I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them Sam I Am
I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere”
My son runs in like a bat out of hell, slides onto her bed and yells:
“SPOILER ALERT. HE EATS THE GREEN EGGS AND HAM!”
Camouflage sheets on his bed. I walk into his room to say goodnight and he asks me how I am even seeing him.
Do your kids say off the wall stuff too? What kinds of crazy things have they said lately?
I’d love to include them as part of our FUNNY FRIDAYS.
Please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be sure to include them here.
As a thank you I’ll be sending you our very best Holiday Best issue.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There’s a lot of talk about “teachable moments”, taking potentially difficult, embarrassing or awkward situations, and turning them round so we can learn from them and move forward.
As a parent, I’ve done that many, many times in the school yard, at the park, in movies, music, bookstores and the font of wealth, family holiday gatherings. Somehow the lessons always wrap up neat and tidy like an After School Special. Or Pillsbury cookies.
Now, I live and raise my kids in a little city called Toronto.
Have you heard of it? Apparently all the international media have. Even the Americans -we made Conan!
We have a…well, let’s call him “mayor”, with a…let’s call it “problem”. And in case you think your children don’t notice newspapers or pay attention to the news breaks on the radio in between the latest Katy Perry single on the way to hockey, here’s what my kids have taught me about the Rob Ford Scandal:
1) “You don’t have to know proper grammar to be mayor.”
2) “Red faced, sweaty people don’t look good on TV, and I wouldn’t trust him.”
3) “If you’re mayor, you shouldn’t be a liar.”
4) “The mayor is supposed to set a good example, like our school principal and our teachers, and he’s not. He’s letting the whole city down.”
5) “Bobbleheads are stupid.”
6) “Anyone who smokes and does drugs is a loser and a very, very bad man.”
7) “John Tory should have run.”
You’re meant to buy more. (FYI, last year alone, $14 million was raised from selling 18 million poppies.)
if you want to keep it, here’s some suggestions:
- It’s apparently disrespectful to use a pin, but earring backings are quite appropriate.
- A pencil eraser is also ideal.
- Tape can work, but you need weigh it right: wrap it tight enough to last, but not so much that it bulges and slides off.
- Duct tape, however, is not advisable as it can leave adhesive residue.
- Stitch it. 2 whips will usually do it.
- Blu-tack simply doesn’t work.
Oh, and poppies of any other colour? Just plain tacky.
Now go out and wear them (and lose them) with pride and remembrance.
I’m facing a huge parenting conundrum.
Baby Boy’s fish died and I’m not sure what to do.
Do I tell him?
Do I sneak in a replacement?
Do I let him discover it on his own?
Do I ignore it and pretend he won’t notice? (Let’s be honest, he’s 7 and it’s a fish he forgets to feed, so he might not. However his sister’s fish, who she also forgets to feed, is still roaring away, so…)
I know, I know, it’s the whole circle of life thing, but still. It’s one of those traumatic moments for a parent. When I went to feed them this morning, fish not kids, it was a wee bit gut wrenching. That fish and I have been through a lot. Like me cursing while cleaning his tank.
But I digress.
Have you gone through this?
What did you do?
Sure, last year I took issue with “Orange & Black Day“, and I find it a bit ridiculous that it’s become an issue once again this year.
I love the pumpkins, the costumes, the decorations and the joy that comes from Hallowe’en.
And yes, I am the mom who makes every kid that comes to my door perform a “trick” for their “treat”.
I figure, if I’m forking out that much money on mini candy bars and sticker treat boxes, I deserve to be entertained, or at least have a good laugh. So everyone who rings my bell has to have a joke, a song or a skit ready.
Some of the kids love it and pull out all the stops. Others…well, that’s an article for another day.
There used to be a sporadic spattering throughout our ‘hood, but now it seems that every lawn is sprawled out with R.I.P. blazoned across their greenery.
What’s up with that?
Is there a mommy memo I missed? Is this the cool thing for the ghouls this year? To be honest, I’m starting to find it kind of disturbing.
I know, I know, it’s All Hallow’s Eve, but still! can’t we just keep it cute and cuddly instead of crawly and creepy? I like the mysterious and spooky, but when I’m doing the school run and continually passing hands coming out of fake grave markers, it’s a bit unnerving.
Maybe I’ve just been reading too much of Maggie Stiefvater’s the Raven Boys series. Maybe I should revert to soft, cuddly, benign Edward Cullen instead…
Though people may be starting to cool their heels a bit about the potential lyric changes, leave it to the marketers to get in on the changes.
The debates about the lyrics were so hot and heavy, and yet no one’s even mentioned this:
Except my kids.
Who thought it was stupid.
“Why would they do that to the anthem, mom?” asked Darling Daughter.
Baby Boy piped in “isn’t it disrespectful?”
“Well, yes,” I explained, “it is. But, it also got your attention, so it means it was an effecive advertizing tool.”
“So it’s just another ad?”
“They shouldn’t do that.”
“You’re right they shouldn’t.”
Now pass me a pizza sub…
So a group of prominent Canadian women have decided our national anthem isn’t quite up to snuff and are petitioning for change.
“The words “all thy sons command” in the English national anthem suggests that only male loyalty is being invoked,” Margaret Atwood said in a statement.
Of course Margaret Atwood’s at the helm. As soon as you heard “prominent Canadian women” did you expect anyone else?
Oh really Margaret? Cause I’m pretty sure I was in school with your daughter when the lyrics were last changed to include the Judeo-Christian God, effectively alienating a whole lot of other people.
But there were men in that group, so I guess it didn’t count.
Do we also need to change manholes to utility covers? Because if you start there, where does it end? What about humanity to hupeopleity? And the ever popular women to womyn? I realise we ride a fine line between tradition and equality, but there has to be a happy medium somewhere. A place where we can accept our history without constantly changing it to make us feel better.
I find it interesting to note that the original lyrics to O Canada, written by, oh English Canada don’t cringe, French people, have never changed.
Calixa Lavallee and Adolph-Basile Routhier can rest easy. Their lyrics, with nary reference to gender, can’t offend anyone.
When I asked my 10 year old feminist daughter what she though of the proposed change, the first thing she asked was “what do they want to change it to?”
I told her they want to change “in all thy sons command” to “thou dost in us command.”
Without skipping a beat she said “well that’s really stupid,” and started humming The Maple Leaf Forever.