Aggressive behaviour
By the age of six, most children have learned enough self-control to express their anger in words and to negotiate with other kids for what they want, at least most of the time. But some children occasionally resort to kicking, hitting, yelling, or destroying other children's property.
When children behave aggressively toward others, they need to experience clear consequences for their actions. If your seven-year-old daughter hits a friend during a visit, you should first attend to the injured party, then end the visit. Tell both children they can play together again, but not today because hitting hurts people, and the rule in your family is "no hurting."
Talk to your child about what happened and help her to put into words what made her lash out. Help her with suggestions: "It really makes you angry when people don't follow the rules of the game, doesn't it?" Then ask her to think of how she might have handled the situation without hitting. Behave calmly yourself. You cant reach a child self-control by losing control yourself.
For some kids, aggressive behaviour has serious underlying causes. Kids may be aggressive because they've seen adults, especially their parents, behave that way. In some cases, the child hasn't learned self-control because his parents haven't set clear limits for him. In other cases, if he has been spanked for misbehaving, he may think that it's OK to hit others. The child may be under stress or lack attention, feeling that he's alone because his parents have little time for him. If the child's aggression is a serious, frequent, or long-term problem, discuss your concerns with your family doctor and consider requesting professional help.
Lying
A six-year-old who says he can run faster than anyone else in his class isn't necessarily lying; he's enjoying a fantasy. However, a six-year-old who says he didn't take the money from the loose-change jar is probably lying.
Children usually lie because they fear their parents' anger if they tell the truth. Sometimes they feel overwhelmed by problems and lie to cover them up. When you catch your child in a lie, immediately point it out to him. Tell him that knowing the truth is very important to you and that the consequences of his actions will always be less severe when he tells the truth than when he tries to cover up with a lie. Tell him how glad you are when he tells you the truth. All kids are going to misbehave at times, but they need to know that when they tell the truth about their behaviour, you will treat them fairly when you let them deal with the consequence of their behaviour. For the six-year-old who helped himself to the loose-change jar, for example, you might require him to pay back what he took, plus a loonie more for lying about it.
Stealing
When a young child steals, it may be a way of showing off, of trying to increase popularity, or it may simply mean she acted on an impulse. Avoid your own impulse to shame and embarrass her. It's much more effective to tell her that taking what belongs to someone else is stealing, and stealing is wrong. It's also important that she make restitution, but in a way that's not humiliating. Have your child return the stolen object or use her own money to pay for it if it can't be returned. Give her support by going with her. Don't make a big scene. Return the object or pay for it, tell her the issue is settled, and don't bring it up again. In most cases, that will be enough of a lesson. But if your child steals repeatedly, ask for professional help.
