Ages 9 to 11
By the age of nine, your child's relationship with his teacher or bullying by other kids are the two most likely sources of the I-hate-school blues.
Teacher-child relationships
If your child complains about her teacher, take her concerns seriously. Teacher-child conflicts are real and shouldn't be dismissed as trivial or part of the growing-up process. Try to find out what exactly is affecting your child's relationship with her teacher. Does he have a loud voice that she finds frightening? Is she in a big class and her teacher has to be very strict to maintain order? Or do the two of them just not like each other?
When the relationship with the teacher is the problem, it becomes personal and it's difficult for a parent to deal with. But you need to talk honestly with the teacher about how she feels so that you can work together to resolve the problem. If your child spends five-and-a-half hours a day in a small room with a person she dislikes and who may dislike her, very little learning can occur.
At the meeting with the teacher, be prepared to listen to a different version of the situation–your child may have neglected to tell you that she's been disruptive in class. Ask the teacher what he can do to help your child feel more comfortable. Follow up the meeting with a friendly note outlining the discussion and conclude with a suggested date for talking again in a couple of weeks.
"My teacher was always yelling, even if you didn't do anything bad. Like, she'd yell at you if you didn't get an answer right. Right before school I always felt kinda sick. Sometimes I'd get a stomachache. I think it was an excuse to stay home."
– Mike, age 10
Over the next week or two, watch for signs of change. If your child appears happier, let the teacher know at your next meeting. If not, discuss what other strategies the teacher and the child might pursue to improve their relationship. If there is no improvement over the next week or two and your child still complains about school, contact the principal. You may need to request that he arrange to transfer your child to another classroom.
Page 2 of 4 – Read page 3 to learn about your child and bullies.
