Bullying
If your child arrives home with unexplained mud- or grass-stained clothing, if he's frequently "losing" toys or he's often ravenous as if he hasn't eaten all day (his lunch was stolen), you may well suspect that your child is being harassed by another student or students.
"I stayed home a lot and got so sick about how another boy was treating me at school that I would throw up before I had to leave my house. I'm not the target anymore, but things are not the same at school. I still don't feel comfortable."
– Mark, age 12
Talk to him about what goes on at school. Ask what he does at recess or lunch hour. Whom does he play with? Is anyone nice to him? Is anyone mean to him? Try not to show anger in your child's defence. Put your energy into comforting and helping him. Talk to the parents of other children in the class or at the school. Find out if other students have had a similar problem. You need to know how widespread the problem is, and it may take some discussion to get the full story.
Kids are not always keen to have their parents involved in their problems with other kids. Your child may be afraid of retaliation if he tells you what's happening. But if your child doesn't want to go to school because other children call him names, threaten him, kick him, or steal his lunch, you need to inform the principal immediately. Being victimized by other kids can have a devastating effect on your child's self-esteem and make it impossible for him to learn at school.
Tell the principal what you understand is happening and ask if she has any insight into the situation. Ask her to investigate and let you know how she'll deal with the situation. In most provinces, the education legislation gives the principal the authority to maintain order and discipline in the school, so she has somewhat broad powers. The school might opt to arrange counselling for the aggressors, or to punish them by cancelling privileges, or to suspend them. If the problem continues during the first two steps, discuss the situation with the principal immediately. The school officials must deal even more seriously with any further aggressive act.
Some schools have programs for conflict resolution run by students themselves with the help of their teachers or consultants who have developed expertise in this area. Encourage your child's principal to start a conflict-resolution program. It can be as simple as discussing it regularly at Home and School meetings, creating a peer-mediation program, or involving students in role-playing games that teach them appropriate social behaviours.
Teach your child to speak out against bullying. Assure him that he is not a tattletale if he reports when someone is getting hurt by another person. If you discover that your child is the bully, teach her to talk out problems instead of resorting to aggression. Teaching her to take a time-out from a situation or to count to ten to calm down could make a big
difference.
Page 3 of 4 – Find useful tips for tweens on page 4.
