Maggie Mamen, a psychologist and author, offers 10 ways to establish (or re-establish) your parenting authority and put your child's needs first.
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Parents should clearly state their expectations such as, "Homework needs to be finished before I allow you to turn the TV on." Yes, there will be occasional exceptions. But children trust parents who follow through with what they have promised, even if they throw a hissy fit.
2. Use nonverbal behaviour-management strategies. Children respond when parents cut the cajoling and replace it with one-word commands. Try "Supper!" instead of "I made your favourite meal just for you, it's ready now." You can also cultivate a piercing look that shows you mean business, or silently turn off the TV and only serve a meal after your child has completed his chore to feed the dog.
3. Clarify the difference between advice and command. Children need to know when they are being told to do something or when they are being asked or advised. You can even add, "I'm telling you, not asking you."
4. Decide what you want to teach and teach it. Behaviour that is reinforced increases in frequency, and paying attention to behaviour reinforces it. So decide what you want your child to learn -- to tidy his room, for instance -- and then teach him rather than complaining about a messy room. Once it's done, commend your child on a job well done.
