Telltale signs that a power struggle is heading your way
1. Self-talk or thoughts that fuel you.
Examples:
"You aren't going to get away with it this time!"
"Why can't you just listen for a change?!"
"That's it. I've had it!"
2. Self-talk that fuels your child.
Examples:
"You can't make me."
"Why do you always get to decide?"
3. Both of you are feeling angry, provoked, challenged or a sense of powerlessness and defeat.
What YOU can do -- typical reactions to avoid:
Warnings: "Touch that once more young lady...."
Demands: "I don't care if you are watching TV -- turn it off now!"
Threats: "If you don't come down right now, there will be no dinner for you."
Controlling: "No, you can't go for a sleepover tonight. You need your rest."
Criticizing: "What is the matter with you. Can't you remember even the simplest thing?"
Directing: "Hurry up, will you? We are going to be late for school again."
Managing: "I need you to brush your teeth, wash your face and get into your pyjamas. Then it is storytime."
Punishing: "You stay in your room until I tell you to come out."
Giving in: "Do what you want. I'm tired of fighting with you."
Typical child reactions to watch out for:
• Provoking behaviour escalates.
• Your child looks you in the eye and continues to provoke you.
• He argues, ignores you or withdraws.
• He gives lip service ("Yeah, I'll get on it.") but does not follow through.
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