When we were kids, we didn’t talk about changing the world, but we often discussed how we could make it better for the people in our lives. When we were planning a birthday party, for example, Mom would encourage us to include kids who were often excluded. She asked us to reflect on how we’d feel in their place. If we burst in the door buzzing about a playground dustup, Mom and Dad would ask who did the bullying and to whom. Just as important, they’d want to know what we did or didn’t do about it.
Your children are watching. If you are compassionate, they will also try to be. If you counsel compassion but are not that way yourself, there is a good chance you’ll end up raising a cynic. For better – and sometimes for worse – you are the guiding force.
Lead by example
In our house, no matter what we were trying to express, Mom and Dad listened and supported us without judgment. Mom and Dad made sure our home was always welcoming and no matter the cause, they were quick to offer up their van, their house, their time. And so it was with everything in our lives. If they believed in what we were doing – Scouts or public speaking, for example – they supported it wholeheartedly.
Our parents also did their best to expose our softer side. We were never told, “Boys don’t cry” – and thank goodness for that! Dad never ordered us to “Suck it up!” if we took a hit on the playing field. He did the laundry, cleaning and most of the cooking, plus he packed our lunches. Watching Dad, we learned to contribute.
Parents need to help kids stop and notice the bigger – or smaller – picture. You can help them explore large-scale problems and overwhelming events. Whether you lead a child to think about something large or small, all that’s required is your guiding presence.
Truth be told, there’s a bit of Zen in moments when you let go of everything and simply stop to take something in, whether it is an injustice, a problem or unexpected beauty. All you have to say is, “Check that out,” or “Look, did you notice this?”
As ethereal as we know it sounds, this is exactly how Mom and Dad awakened our passion for social justice. When Mom took us to her classroom or Dad pulled something out of the headlines, they’d make sure we noticed. They’d pause to put things in context. When appropriate, they’d ask us how we’d improve a situation. Each conversation reminded us that everyone is connected.
Discover your family values
We encourage you to define the values you hold most dear. In our household, it was the Three Cs: Courage, Compassion and Community. If you’re not sure about your family’s values, ask your kids. It might be sobering to hear them say, “We can’t fail. We must get into the best schools.” Or it might be deeply moving if they say, “We believe in helping people. We put people first. We try to lighten our load on the environment. We always do our best.”
Our hope is that the parents of today can raise a generation of children who can stop dreaming about a better world and begin to live in one.
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This is an edited excerpt from The World Needs Your Kid (Me to We Books, 2009) by Craig and Marc Kielburger and Shelley Page.
