Striving to have control
At his best: This dad is energetic and hard working, and he meets his need to have control by organizing his children, their activities and education in a way that brings out the best in them. His children feel secure because of his take-charge approach to everything and reassurance that their needs are addressed fairly. He will engage them in thought-provoking conversations, and listen respectfully. The leader dad has what it takes to manage a busy, active family, as he can juggle many tasks and get a lot done. He teaches his children the rules of life and how to play by them. He is a model of fairness and justice, and will engage his children in problem solving. His kids learn how to be good citizens and he involves them in church, community and social activities. He does what he can to create a network of friends, extended family, and community organizations to foster a sense of belonging.
Potential pitfalls: The leader dad feels overly responsible for his children's successes and failures. He struggles to let them do things their own way and can be highly critical of individuality. Older children often accuse him of "trying to run their lives." Emotional conflict is a source of distress, and he will either avoid it or overpower his children. He believes that children should be controlled and rational, and he quickly squashes emotionality, not realizing that he is also squashing creativity and individuality. He expects his children to follow societal norms and finds it upsetting when they don't. He often puts work before his relationships, spending long hours away without recognizing the effect this has on his kids. He struggles to live up to "superhuman" expectations he has for himself.
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