As with role models, we prefer our children to look up to a singer who offers a message of love, peace and social good rather than one who sings about violence or drugs. The same is true for a group of friends. While you can't monitor the backgrounds and habits of every classmate, you can influence their choice of friends through positive reinforcements.
We've seen this at an annual summer leadership academy, an event we attend each year as speakers. There, young people get together to discuss social justice issues and learn how to take action in their schools and communities. There's also the opportunity to make new friends.
One participant, 16-year-old Silas Fischer of New Hampshire, said he always felt there aren't enough people interested in social involvement. At the academy, he found a group of friends who were just as interested as he was in changing the world.
"We all want the same things here," he said.
A different kind of popularity
Those same things redefine what is cool for young people. Rather than the latest celebrity gossip or fashion trends, kids who take part in the academy view popularity as knowledge, volunteerism and social involvement.
That's the kind of peer pressure parents want to see.
Depending on which group of young people you're speaking to, you'll find a lot of different definitions of cool. But, you can find a lot of positive definitions among organizations with a social message. Whether this is a youth group run through your local church or an after-school mentoring program, there are hundreds of places that encourage this good kind of peer pressure.
That way, when "everyone else" is volunteering to clean up a local park, wouldn't you want your kid to do it too?
Read more:
• What to do if you don't like your child's friends
• When bullying crosses the line
• 5 ways to encourage peace-loving kids
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