You need to talk to your kids about sexual abuse to protect them from it, says Glori Meldrum, who was sexually abused as a child and is the founder and chair of Little Warriors, a national nonprofit group that teaches adults how to help prevent, recognize and react to sexual abuse of children. Here are five things you need to know.
1. Teach them the correct names for their body parts. "I've got a five-year-old and a 10- year-old," says Meldrum. "They both know certain parts of their bodies are private and no one should ever touch them."
2. Don't instill fear, says Dr. Linda Keep, director of The Psychology Center of Sherwood Park, Inc., in Sherwood Park, Alta., who has treated many survivors of sexual abuse. When talking about the issue, be calm and matter of fact; give simple, clear messages.
3. Teach kids the difference between good touching and bad touching. Let them know, says Keep, that any place a bathing suit touches is off-limits.
4. Teach your kids how to stand tall and say no assertively in situations when they know something is wrong. "We need to build assertiveness," Keep explains. "This is huge because it will protect them and teach them to trust their own feelings."
5. Keep adds that kids should be told never to approach a lone vehicle, nor tell telephone callers that they're home by themselves.
6. Talk to your kids about the difference between "good secrets" and "bad secrets." "If somebody's telling them not to tell their mom and dad something," says Keep, "that usually means they must go immediately and tell Mom and Dad."
Warning signs of child sexual abuse
Keep says there are many reasons kids keep sexual abuse a secret. Some children are confused and may blame themselves, she explains, while others are threatened into silence or block the memories as a defence mechanism. "Abuse cuts through the psyche at a very deep level," Keep says. "Often, a child must grow into an adult before he or she is mentally equipped to deal with past abuse." Even if a child stays quiet about abuse, or is too young to talk, there can be that clues something is wrong. Keep cites these possible signs of sexual abuse.
Infants and toddlers: Unexplained pain, swelling or bleeding of the genitals or anus; screaming at diaper changes.
Preschoolers: Regressive behaviours (such as bedwetting); blood in urine; difficulty walking; irritation of genitals; fear of sleeping in the dark; nightmares, starting to ask for a night-light; fear of a certain adult or gender; uncommon curiosity about genitalia.
Elementary school kids: Behaviour changes (more withdrawn, sullen or aggressive); significant changes in weight or eating habits; blood in urine; persistent stomach and headaches; abnormal dilation of genital or anal openings; rigid during medical exams; depression; beyondnormal sexual knowledge for child's age; sexually explicit drawings and stories; unusual disinterest in school and friends; molesting other kids.
Junior high kids and teens: Behaviour changes, such as poor hygiene, wearing multiple layers of clothing to bed, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, self-mutilation, depression, suicidal thoughts; unusual knowledge of sexual issues; new resistance to being around certain people; running away; asking many questions (to teachers, for example) about sexual abuse.
Read more:
• A parent's fears: Abuse and abduction
• Understanding and overcoming child sexual abuse
• Helping children overcome their fears
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