Apparently I am not cool anymore. This has come as something of a shock since, like most men in their 40s, I still see myself as a cutting-edge kind of guy. However, when the news was delivered with matter-of-fact conviction by my 12-year-old son, I was forced to at least consider the possibility.
"What, just because I'm 43 I can't be cool?" I asked him. "I play guitar, I listen to rock 'n' roll, I let you watch PG movies and stay up late on the weekends…"
"Dad," he said, looking at me with a mix of pity and disbelief, "you're just not."
The pink bicycle
Upon further reflection, there may be one or two quirks to my misguided, middle-aged idea of cool that your average hip, happening tween might find, to use the prevailing jargon, "totally lame." My bicycle comes to mind. Yes, it's a pink ladies' Norco circa 1985, but it's virtually indestructible and cost only $20 at the local co-op.
When friends ask about it I explain that I am so comfortable with my manhood and so in tune with social equality between the sexes that the colour and the absence of a crossbar are of no consequence to me.
"It's so uncool, it's cool," I recently explained to an unsympathetic friend.
"Is that like being so fat, you're thin?" he retorted.
Unmoved by such biting sarcasm, I happily cruise the cycling trails clad in beat-up grey sweatpants and a paint-splattered T-shirt, passing Lance Armstrong wannabes in Tour de France jerseys.
I suppose it's also conceivable that my musical tastes aren't as close to the cutting edge as they used to be. For example, when most middle-aged dads pull up alongside a car blaring a profanity-laced track about "booty" and "hos," they roll up the window and ignore it.
Page 1 of 2 – Discover rules to follow to ensure you're not perceived as "totally uncool" by your kids on page 2.
