In my experience, before a teen will open up to you, she first needs to trust you -- trust that your intentions are sincere, rational and coming a from a position of love. We all know that the more we condemn something, the more our children will want to do it -- basic psychology, right? A report in Curriculum Review, a monthly report for educators, recommends this open approach, to "discuss positive uses of these sites (most MySpace members aren't making mischief) and then explain some of the pitfalls (using real-life examples) before showing children ways to stay safe." Essentially, the desired effect is your child's having an "Aha!" moment, realizing that you're on their side and that you actually do want them to have some fun in their life.
Why should you look -- the right intent
I have to tell you, however, that I am not advocating your crossing the threshold of your child's profile in order to find out sensitive or potentially embarrassing personal information. Your purpose is not to learn the inside scoop about your teen's social, emotional, or sexual life. There's a healthier way to do that -- spending time together on a regular basis engaged in open and real conversation. No, your purpose here is not to see who they are; it's to see who they are purposing to be, to whom they are advertising themselves, and for what reason. You may need to shift your approach a little and be sure that you're committed to digesting your child's created MySpace identity in all its potential horror. If you can come to the tour bus with an attitude devoid of rash judgement and rich with the sincere desire to understand, then you will be successful in the first step toward getting to know your cyber-child.
Remember, your cyber-child is only one aspect of your real child -- a MySpace profile is an experiment in identity. Is is a revolving door of fantasy. Even so, mind you, as a parent you must be aware of how and why your child is playing it up on MySpace.
Taking the right approach with your teen is crucial. Don't panic or raise your voice. You must be calm and prepared. So approach your child with a desire to learn about this new phenomenon and an appreciation for the creative and unique things you may see. Praise the profiles that you find to be clever or artistic, and express concern over profiles that appear troubled or insecure. Rather than criticizing or mocking the names, photos, or other personae on MySpace, successful parents will realize that their cyber-children will have multiple names and various ways of representing who they are throughout adolescence.
Your goal is to create healthier possibilities regarding how your child chooses to represent herself. I recommend, for example, suggesting positive-sounding names such as Smartgirl, Ambitious1, the RealDeal, LadyBaller, SideoutChamp, happy2beme, brainybeautiful, etc. Ask her how she thinks these will influence how others talk to her, or who chooses to talk to her.
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 | Excerpted from Generation MySpace: Helping Your Teen Survive Online Adolescence: How Social Networking is Changing Everything About Friendship, Gossip, Sex, Drugs, and Our Kids' Values by Candice M. Kelsey. Copyright 2007 by Candice M. Kelsey. Excerpted by permission of Marlowe and Company, an imprint of Avalon Publishing Group Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. |
