The mother-daughter relationship is so important to most women, yet it can often be fraught with hurt, disappointment, disconnection, anger or conflict.
Here are some ideas to improve your mother-daughter relationship:
For daughters:
1. Understand your mother, as a person
Get curious about your mother and her life. It may help you to depersonalize some of her behaviours and to have more patience and compassion for her.
Ask about her childhood. What kind of relationship did she have with her own mother? What are the disappointments and joys that have touched her life? To what extent was she affected by the social and career limitations imposed on earlier generations of women?
2. Shift usual relationship patterns
It's so easy to feel and act like you're 15 again when you are with your mother. If there are specific things your mom says or does that push your buttons, consciously construct different, calmer, more adult-like responses. Consider talking to your mother about things that are bothering you in your relationship in a loving, respectful, grown-up and assertive way.
3. Take charge of the relationship
Think about what you'd like to change about the relationship or what would help you to enjoy your time with your mother more. Would you like to see her more? See her less? See her at a different time? Spend more one-on-one time with her? Share an activity together? Take the initiative to make it happen.
4. Know when to seek help
If the relationship with your mother is very toxic, if there is a history of physical or emotional abuse or if your mother is very controlling, consider finding a supportive therapist to help you heal and decide how to handle your relationship.
