Do teenagers even speak the same language as adults? Many parents of teens are quick to respond with an emphatic "no" as they search for ways to communicate effectively and to banish the power struggle that seems to take place from sunup to sundown.
Dr. Karyn Gordon is a parent/teen coach, author, speaker and broadcaster based in Toronto. She says effective communication with your teenager has everything to do with establishing boundaries and being a good listener.
"One of the biggest roadblocks is that parents are not listening. They've already formulated their opinion and they are trying to convince the child, and it totally backfires, 100 per cent backfires," says Dr. Gordon. "If parents do too much talking and too much giving advice, kids literally tune their voice right out."
Here are some of Dr. Gordon's expert tips guaranteed to help you connect with your teen.
1. Be safe and trustworthy
Parents need to be a safe haven for their kids. Kids won't talk if they feel their parents are going to judge them, share confidential information or make fun of what they're saying. Teens are also more likely to talk if it is done privately, without anyone around to eavesdrop.
2. Listen more and be open to feedback
Parents are quick to offer solutions when really, kids just want them to listen. Spend twice as much time listening. Only when children feel listened to and understood are they going to be willing to really hear what you have to say. Be willing to accept feedback from your teen.
3. Choose good timing
Timing is everything. If you're planning on having a heart-to-heart, don't bring up an important issue as your teen is rushing out the door to school. Schedule a "family meeting" during which serious topics such as curfews and discipline can be discussed.
4. Know your emotions
Teens are more likely to open up to a parent who is relaxed and easy-going, as opposed to stressed out or anxious.
5. Negotiate with reason
Be open to working out negotiable boundaries with your teens concerning curfews and other disciplinary areas such as online chatting, parties, sleepovers and drinking. Teach your teen that it's up to them to prove their level of responsibility by doing what they promise to do. Make them understand that they are accountable for their own actions.
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