Zachary's love of music
As the years passed Zachary developed a love for popular music, begging me to find rock'n'roll stations on the radio whenever we were in the car. This music didn't seem to bother him at all. Au contraire! The louder the better. He also invented complex rhythms and enjoyed lying on his back in the bathtub, with his ears just under the surface of the water and repeating them at peak volume, over and over. Ta-ka ta-ka ta, ta-ka ta, ta, ta! So, why did Mom's singing make him cry? I stoically mourned the loss of my pleasurable pastime and moved on, but I still tried, every once in a while, hoping against hope that it had been "a phase."
At bedtime, I'd say, "Zachary, why don't you choose a song for us to sing." He'd select a rollicking rendition of Old MacDonald had a Farm or a jazzy version of The Eentsy Weentsy Spider, but not the exquisite, The Lion Sleeps Tonight or heaven forbid, Hush Little Baby. Once a year or so, I'd ask him why he cries when I sing, but the answer was always the same. "I don't know."
The meaning behind Zachary's tears
Then a few years ago, on the eve of Valentine's Day, I was putting seven-year old Zach to bed, talking about the next day at school when they were having a party and the kids would be exchanging cards. He was very excited about it. He said, "Mom, you know, I really like Sandra, but I also like Bettina." I said, "It's OK to like a lot of different people, Sweetheart." He said, "But Mom, I want you to be my real Valentine." I was very moved. I said, "Zach, you will always be my Valentine." Then I spontaneously started to sing one of my favourite old standards, "My Funny Valentine, sweet comic Valentine, you make me smile with my heart."
I never made it to the second line. He buried his face in his pillow and started to cry. Of course, I stopped singing immediately and felt terrible. After a moment, he stopped crying. I dried his tears and just held him in my arms, rocking him gently. Then I said, "Zachary I want you to take as much time as you need, and try to use your words to tell me why you cry when I sing to you." We stayed quiet for a very long time, maybe two full minutes, and then he said, "Mom, it's too beautiful."
