Evidence is mounting that the involvement of a father has a greater influence on his children than previously acknowledged. It appears that a father's interest increases a child's social development, his sense of self-worth, and his chances of academic success. The reason seems to be that his involvement in child-rearing is different from a woman's.
How Moms and Dads differ
Fathers influence their children's social confidence because they are the first "stranger" in their child's life, unlike mothers whom infants appear to regard as an extension of themselves. A good relationship with this first "other," the father, sets the groundwork for dealing with strangers later. As a dad, you play a significant role in your children's emotional health and the development of their sense of self-worth. As the children grow older, fathers tend to push them to take chances in situations in which mothers tend to urge more caution. Both approaches are important to the children's development.
Setting an example
Dads, of course, provide boys with something that women can't — a model of what it's like to be a man. Children learn more from what you do than from what you say, although both actions and communication are important. Show them how a man conducts himself with dignity, integrity, and respect for others. Girls also seem to rely on their fathers in developing a sense of their own femininity. A girl's relationship with the opposite sex seems to be based on how well she gets along with the first male in her life — her dad. A daughter learns from her father that she is worth being loved by a male. If you have a loving relationship with your daughter, she'll have a better chance of creating a good relationship with a male partner in later life.
Giving and receiving
Some studies suggest that the average father spends only 15 to 20 minutes a week in one-on-one discussions with his kids. One of the most effective ways of becoming an involved father is to spend more one-on-one time with your children in real two-way conversations. When you're a father who's genuinely engaged in raising his children, you're doing something good for your children as well as for yourself. Kids are sponges who soak up love, and when they get enough of it, they aren't shy about giving it back to you.
Excerpted from Raising Great Kids Ages 6 to 12: The Complete Guide to Your Child's Health and Development edited by Canadian Living Family editor Christine Langlois. Copyright 1999 by Telemedia Communications Inc. Excerpted, with permission by Ballantine Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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