You've gone from focusing exclusively on your own and each other's needs to being consumed by the needs of your baby. During this time, some men keenly feel the loss of their partner's attention, particularly the temporary loss of their sexual affections. It's entirely natural for a new mother to become quite consumed with her baby, to the possible exclusion of the baby's father. And it's just as natural for a new father to envy the amount of time and attention his wife gives the baby, or the affection she displays. Mom and baby seem forever cuddled together while the baby nurses and the father feels left out, a third wheel.
Share your feelings
Each of you may be so busy and so overcome with all the new emotions that you believe your thoughts and feelings are obvious to your partner. But the baby has not magically transformed you into mind-readers. You should give voice to your feelings, talk out your concerns and your problems. Of course, mom needs to spend much of her day nursing and holding the baby. Of course, given what her body has just been through, her interest in sex may be low for awhile. Of course, dad needs as much time with his baby as he can get.
But it's still important for couples to tell each other how they're feeling, to let their partner know when they feel excluded. Find ways to include each other. Dad can learn baby massage or be the one to tuck baby into her bed after she feeds. Mom and dad can share the evening playtime with their baby instead of leaving it up to one or the other.
During this period of adjustment, each of you will become accustomed to your new role and be able to reapportion your affection to one another as well as the baby, and you'll be able to rekindle your sex life. Ultimately, it's a question of balance between your relationship, the novelty of your baby and your baby's neediness, and your growth as a family.
Page 1 of 2 - Read page two to find out how to share tasks
