The Special Role of Mothers
Researchers have made some important observations about maternal influence. It appears that mothers have a stronger role than fathers in teaching children the skills of social interaction. Women tend to put more emphasis on building and maintaining relationships, both inside and outside the family. They also tend to have a more flexible style of discipline than fathers and are more open to negotiation as a means of reconciling conflicts. Children learn from them how to handle the give-and-take that's part of any strong relationship. As a morn, you also tend to have an important influence on the academic performance of your children because you likely spend more time with them, even if you have a job outside the home. Moms also more often take on the role of guardian of the family's health.
Encouraging your daughter
A mother plays a major role in her daughter's developing self-esteem. Girls look for role models as they try to figure out how they fit into society, especially how they relate to men. When you provide a strong model of confidence and equality with the men in your life, your daughter is likely to adopt the same attitudes.
Your daughter relies on her mother to be a model of how to be a mother herself. She learns to maintain strong family relationships, to care for other family members, and to continue family traditions, whether it's a family picnic on Canada Day or hosting a gathering of the extended family during the summer holidays. Take care lest you inadvertently teach you daughter that a mother's role is to sacrifice for the family. That's the message she might get if her mother automatically calls on her first for help around the house or when she sees that her mother takes on most of the responsibilities for the family's everyday care. Be sure that both partners are involved in running the household and that both sons and daughters share household responsibilities.
Mothers can provide a healthy model for girls who worry about their body image. Girls are more likely to become preoccupied about their size and weight if their mother has the same obsession. Talk to your daughter about the images on TV and in magazines and reassure her that there is no one "acceptable" body type. Encourage your daughter to care about her grooming, but don't be judgmental about what you see as her physical shortcomings.
Encouraging your son
Throughout his childhood, your son probably was happy to spend time with his mother, chattering all the while. As he gets older and begins to focus more on friends, he still wants and needs lots of your attention. But by the time he's about nine or ten, your boy may pretend that he doesn't need you -- partly because of society's messages about how boys should behave and partly to avoid teasing. He may squirm and fuss if you continue to kiss him goodbye as he leaves for school. But at the same time, he'd be disappointed if you didn't. Just don't do it in front of his friends!
Many mothers play a major role in demonstrating important qualities -- sensitivity, compassion, caring -- that help their sons develop as complete human beings. Boys also learn from their mothers about the nature of relationships with the opposite sex. If a boy has a bad relationship with his mother, the first woman in his life, it may lead to troubled relationships with women later on. Boys who grow up without their own mothers or with mothers who aren't emotionally available to them tend to be less secure and more emotionally fragile. But boys rely on maternal sensitivity to recognize and respond to them as they develop. Teaching your son how to relate to the world emotionally will also prepare him to be a better, more involved father one day.
