But there were more red flags. Chris was quieter and less open with his parents, and his marks took a nosedive. "He was putting too much emphasis on this one kid who was giving him attention, but not the right kind," says Kara. Things finally came to a head when Kara discovered her son was smoking pot – and planned on selling it with his buddy. "Bad friends" are every parent's worst nightmare, says Michele Borba, author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them (Wiley, 2005). Some of the most troubling questions Borba gets from parents involve their kids' less-than-stellar friendships. "What do I do if my daughter has a new friend who may be a bad influence?" "I'm dying every time my son goes to this kid's house. I know there's no parental supervision."
Friendships in early childhood are often dictated by the parent – your four-year-old will play with the tot from preschool whose mom you like, for example. But fast-forward five or six years and the control shifts. Tweens and teens start choosing their own friends on the basis of status, common interests and similar values, as well as personality likenesses – and differences. And whether we like it or not, the opinions of our children's peers often carry more weight than ours, say the experts. This can be particularly tough on parents who are used to controlling every aspect of their child's lives, says Borba.
Sooner or later your child is going to buddy up with someone whose values and upbringing don't match your own. Here are 11 steps to help you navigate this tough parenting dilemma.
Page 1 of 4 – Get the first four tips on what to do if you don't like your child's friends on page 2.
