The situation: “What do you mean, ‘mow the lawn?'”
Ingrid Fraser says her 14-year-old son, Lucas, would spend his summer glued to his computer if he had his way. In addition to signing Lucas up for a couple of local programs, this mom in St. John's, Nfld., also plans to line up a few chores, even though she's not confident he'll get to them. “He doesn't fear me enough!” she says, laughing.
Expert advice: “Don't think the chores will get done without a lot of reminding and cajoling,” says Wooding. “There's a lot of recent research into the teen brain and we now know it has a great deal of difficulty with sequences of events.” What does that mean in practical terms? Let's say you've struck a deal with your daughter that she can hang out at her friend's house all afternoon as long as she does the yard work beforehand. Wooding advises you to be excruciatingly specific about what “yard work” involves. To you it's obvious; to her, not so much. He also suggests you walk her through it -- at least once.
One parent's solution: Over to Danielle again. Last summer, she wanted some major fence and deck painting done. She told her kids they were part of the project. “I made sure we painted in the morning, so they had the rest of the day for fun,” she says.
Danielle acknowledges the painting took longer than if it had been done by adults, but she knew that going into it. She also knew she could reasonably expect about two hours a day from her son, Patrick, 15, and only an hour from her daughter, Gabrielle, 11. Because she kept her expectations realistic and involved her kids in the discussion about the project, the fence painting turned out to be a productive and happy experience.
The situation: “I have to (gasp) get a job?”
According to parents interviewed for this article, 16 signals the tipping point into employment. Some kids are eager to work by this age, while others need a little encouragement. Lee-Anne wants her 16-year-old daughter to earn some money this summer, “to fund her increasingly expensive clothing and fashion tastes.”
Expert advice: Since the almighty dollar is often the main motive for your kids to seek employment, set some ground rules on how much of your child's income is hers to spend, advises Carson, and how much you want her to save.
Wooding has some advice on what to expect after your teen has started her job. “Many kids' first job is going to be in the service industry. You can't assume it's going to be a positive experience from beginning to end,” he says. “Your daughter may have to deal with unruly customers or a cranky boss. You need to participate in the whole process, including the unpleasant parts.”
One parent's solution: Camilla's daughter, Carly, got her first part-time job when she was 16. “She doesn't really love working,” says Camilla, “but she does love $4 fancy frozen drinks; since I'm not about to finance those, she has to work.” Carly found the job herself. A friend was working at a grocery store and told Carly they were taking applications, so she applied.
Camilla doesn't think Carly would have taken the initiative to work if she had opened her wallet every time her daughter wanted an expensive drink from a local coffee shop. “[Earning money] was the incentive to get a job -- more than anything else I said.”
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