Avoiding envy
With the privileges of driving and more independence come some responsibilities, too. If the seventeen-year-old wants to demonstrate his growing maturity, he can do it by being more supportive toward his nervous, awkward fourteen-year-old brother.
If one child is a star athlete, student, or musician, or has extraordinary good looks, other siblings may feel second-class. That's a sure way to sow the seeds of envy and create a sour relationship. If one teen genuinely feels that another is a favourite, pay attention to those feelings. Don't exacerbate the problem by making comparisons, by praising the one for whom things come easily, or by showing disappointment in the one for whom things are more difficult. Every child is special and has a right to feel special. Make sure each receives an equal share of your attention and time.
Bonding in crisis
If one teen struggles with depression, drugs, or other serious problems, his sibling may provide the best way for you to offer support to the child who is in need but seems incapable of talking to you. Ask your other child for suggestions about getting to the source of the problem and restoring communication.
When the family goes through a crisis like divorce or the death of a close family member, siblings can be a great source of support for one another. The crisis may create a scary, stressful time for them, a time when their whole world seems to be changing. Parents can't force their children to be good friends, but they can shape and share experiences that help their children recognize and appreciate one another's strengths and their struggles to overcome personal problems.
Friends for life
If your children get along well with one another and are close, encourage their relationship and accept that they may spend more time with each other than with you. If your teens become close during their teens, you can he sure that they'll have strong, enduring relationships for the rest of their lives.
These are formative, intense years that shape their identities and leave a lasting mark. When siblings go through their rites of passage together, their relationship is transformed to a new level and they become friends as young adults. They form an enduring bond that they can count on through the triumphs and crises at each stage of their lives.
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