The situation: How do I teach my toddler to understand the idea of personal responsibility? For example, if she falls down, she blames her sneakers.
The solution: Little kids have vivid imaginations and will often reframe a situation so they can accept and understand it. That doesn't necessarily mean they are shirking responsibility. Children learn to accept responsibility as they grow and develop. A toddler is too young to assume responsibility for her actions, but you certainly can adopt the kind of habits early on that will eventually encourage your little one to assume ownership for both her successes and failures in life.
First, don't blame others when your child encounters failure or disappointment. Second, be a good example by accepting blame if and when you make a mistake: "Sorry, kids, I lost my temper. Next time I will calm down before I mention the mess in the kitchen." Last, when things go wrong, look for solutions instead of blame. This way your child learns accountability for the good and the bad things she experiences in life – and, even more important, she'll learn to use setbacks as inspiration to try again.
• Cathryn Tobin is a pediatrician and author of The Lull-a-Baby Sleep Plan and The Parent's Problem Solver.
