It's hardly a surprise that every couple has at least one sore spot that consistently triggers a down-and-dirty battle. But opening the lines of communication -- and a little TLC -- can lead to a compromise you can both live with.
From clashes over cash to arguments about inlaws -- every couple has a sore spot that, given the right triggers, can explode in a full-blown battle. But although we all fight about common issues, each couple's successful solutions are unique.
Turning the battleground into a level playing field begins with communication. If you and your partner can talk about the problem, you can probably find a solution that works for you.
Corey and Mark used to squabble every evening over whose turn it was to wash the dishes. Finally, they decided to buy a dishwasher -- expensive, but a small price for peace, they thought.
"I should have known," says Corey. "We started arguing over whose turn it was to load and unload the machine." A marriage in crisis? Not necessarily. According to psychotherapist Sharon Lowe of Karyl Pope and Associates in Burlington, Ont., Corey and Mark's situation is not so unusual in the world of relationships.
"Couples usually fight about the same things," she says. Often they'll go over and over the same sore spot. And chances are it's something that has set off fireworks between most couples at one time or another. It can be encouraging, agrees Sally Muir, a marriage and family therapist with The Family Therapy Clinic in Toronto, to know that someone, somewhere, has already had the same argument and figured out how to solve it.
With that in mind, we've quizzed couples and therapists about some of the most common problems partners fight about, and their suggestions for working out your differences. The therapists stress that each situation -- and each couple -- is unique; what worked in these particular cases may not necessarily work for you and your mate. But communication is key -- if you can talk about it, you can come up with a solution that works for you.
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