5. Use the "Trudeau" approach. When the late Pierre Trudeau was asked during the FLQ crisis how far he would go in responding to terrorists, his memorable reply coupled with an icy stare was "Just watch me." Children aren't terrorists, but sometimes an implied consequence is just the right response to the typical challenge of "You can't make me." Try showing up to a messy playroom with a green garbage bag in hand -- your kids will get the idea.
6. Make them an offer they cannot refuse. For example: "Jason, you can turn the TV off yourself and be allowed to turn it back on the next time. Or I can turn it off and it will stay off for a week."
7. Use natural or logical consequences wherever possible. Some consequences are easy to identify. A child who refuses to come in for lunch will be hungry by dinner and ready to eat. Others require some imagination. A 12-year-old with plans for a sleepover can be told "When you finish your homework, then I'll drive you to Becky's."
8. Use "I" consequences. You can't force your kids to do very much. But you can say what you will do. "I will pay for half." "I will not stand here and be spoken to that way." "I" statements are assertive and can always be carried out.
9. Use time-outs for prevention, not punishment. Most of us read our kids well and know when a situation is escalating. Use a time-out to defuse a situation. To a six-year-old, a parent can say: "OK, you're starting to fool around. Please leave the table and come back when you are ready to eat properly."
10. Act with conviction and confidence, integrity and dignity. Model behaviours that you want your children to learn. By setting clear rules that children can understand and sticking to them, you'll teach them how to be good parents themselves someday.
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