When you have to share a potentially upsetting secret, frame your disclosure as a personal observations to make the info feel more like a disclosure than an attack, Belleghem says. Do this by using 'I', like this:
• I saw a lot of kids going in and out of your house while you were out to dinner the other night.
• I'm concerned about your child, who I have seen at the mall a few times during school hours.
5. Understand privacy versus secrecy
"Other people's private business is not your story to tell," Belleghem says. But telling your version of an event and what you saw, felt and did is your business, she explains.
If you see a close friend using drugs and you're shocked by it, what you saw can be told as your experience. For example, "I was so surprised to see my friend using drugs. We had a big argument about it and I'm really upset." This is your experience of what happened, it's not just gossip about someone else's problems.
6. Consider the impact
If withholding your secret could lead someone to make a bad decision, it may be time to spill. For example, if you know your friend's husband is having financial trouble but she's unaware and planning to book an expensive vacation, sharing your secret means she may wisely opt out of booking the trip.
If sharing your secret can help a friend make a different decision, you should tell her — but only after asking her if she wants to know.
7. Shut your ears
Sometimes it can be better to simply avoid the pressure of taking on someone else's secret, Belleghem says. If someone says they want to tell you something they've done, or have a secret to tell, you can opt out of hearing it all together. Tell them you don't want to hear it because you can't promise you'll be able to keep a secret!
Read more:
• Could money issues ruin your relationship?
• Top 10 reasons you need a best friend
• The dos and don'ts of being a good friend
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