A single mom's best-kept secret

For a year after he and his wife separated, a friend of mine would regularly wake at 4 a.m. in his basement apartment and wonder, How did I end up here? I laughed out loud when he told me that, even though I was going through my own miserable split. It so perfectly illustrated my strange feeling of suddenly being in a life that in no way matched any of my expectations. When you have a baby, do you really expect to aimlessly drive around her "other house," forbidden to kiss her good night because it's "not your week"?

For me, the first year of shared parenting was the worst, but seven years later I still have the odd head-shaking moment (What am I doing living semi-alone in a condo when I should be chasing at least three kids and a dog around a big, messy house?!). But there is a definite upside to my bifurcated life.

Model mom
One week I am Model Mom: I pick up my daughter after school; go grocery shopping; make her interesting, nutritious lunches (complete with embarrassing "Love U, XOX Mommy" notes); help with homework; sew unbelievably adorable costumes (it's so much fun having a girl!); mess up the kitchen with arts and crafts; decorate cookies (following our firm rule of eating only the mistakes -- usually about half); drive her to music/dance/sports/birthday parties/play dates; and watch endless repeats of my new favourite show, "Lizzie McGuire." It's flat-out single parenting, then -- before I know it -- she's gone to her dad's.

Single woman
That's when I become Single Woman, a glorious, intermittent state. Instead of slinking out of the office early and racing to pick up my daughter, Single Woman can hang out at work. Invited for a drink, I can say yes without hiring a babysitter. Grocery shopping? Forget it. I eat on the run, pick up a salad or go out for dinner. I come home as late as I like, then watch crap TV till all hours. If I'm really tired, I fall asleep on the couch after dinner without doing the dishes or feeling like I'm a "bad mom." And no school lunches to pack for five blessed days.

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