Being a foster-care family

Martha Semeniuk and Dale Williamson

Snapshot: Martha, 55, is on the board of directors of the Four Directions Foster Parent Association of Calgary and has two children in their 30s. Her partner, Dale Williamson, 35, is trained as an oil rigger, but both have chosen to make fostering their full-time jobs.

Why they foster: Martha, who is Métis, was removed from her northern Alberta home as a nine-year-old in the mid-'60s and knows the difference fostering can make. She was abandoned for three weeks by her parents and had to resort to scrounging in garbage cans for food. “I left with the clothes on my back and went to the social worker's house where I was fed stew, two slices of bread and milk. I'll never forget that meal.” Her one and only placement was with a Ukrainian family who helped her retain her native connection. They lived close to the settlement Martha had been taken from and visited there regularly with Martha, helping her keep in touch with extended family members. “They were a strong and loving family. I want to give the kids I care for the same kind of chance that I was given.”

The experience: Martha was 21 with two young children when she began fostering. Since then she has cared for more than 30 children, many of them aboriginal, for anywhere from six months to 20 years. “For me, it's a career and a passion,” she says. Dale, who is also aboriginal, felt the same way about fostering when he met Martha 10 years ago. As a baby he had been handed over to family members when his 16-year-old mother couldn't care for him. Martha and Dale live in a large, two-storey house and currently care for seven children between the ages of 12 and 18. “We prefer having older children,” she says. “Teens aren't as bad as people think – you just have to understand them and be flexible.” The couple lives close to the Treaty Seven reservation in Calgary and encourages the kids to maintain contact with their heritage by participating in cultural events such
as language classes, pow-wow drumming and sweats.

Greatest joys: “When one of my foster sons graduated from high school, he crossed the stage, took the microphone and, in front of 300 people, said, ‘I'd like to thank my mom for kicking my butt every step of the way.' Then he came off the stage and hugged me. That was an overwhelming moment for me,” says Martha. For Dale, the best part of fostering is knowing he's serving as a positive male role model in these kids' lives. “I can show them what a man can be – that you can be responsible, caring and capable of showing affection.”

Challenges: Martha and Dale take 40 to 60 hours of extensive training every year through social services to better understand how to deal with children affected by issues such as fetal alcohol disorder, attachment disorder and developmental issues. Despite that the kids all come from difficult backgrounds, they share one thing in common: they want to be back with their biological parents. “Some of them will go AWOL and run back to their family – we have to help them understand it's not a safe place to be,” says Martha. “One of the first things we do with these kids is to try and develop a relationship with the biological parents so that they can see we are here to help and we aren't a threat.”

Words of wisdom: “You need to have patience and love for children to do this,” says Martha. “The most important thing is to build trust with the kids by being honest and encouraging.”

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