Being a foster-care family

Joann and Dan Tanner

Snapshot: Joann Tanner, 48, is a special education teacher, and her husband, Dan, 58, is a bus driver. They live in Smithers, B.C., with their two teenage daughters.

Why they foster: “I've had a deep love for kids all my life,” says Joann. She recalls recuperating from surgery in hospital when she was a child and hearing a little boy crying for his absent mother. “I was only six years old and I went around to comfort him.”

As an adult, she had opened her home to exchange students and friends of her daughters who were fighting with their parents. “A friend of mine said that since I was good with kids, I should consider becoming a foster parent.” When she spoke to Dan about it, he, too, felt they should make a home for kids in need.

The experience: Over the past eight years, Joann and Dan have taken in more than 40 kids, most of them preteens or adolescents. They currently care for four kids aged eight to 16. “A lot of these kids are streetwise because they have to be. They've never had security and just want to be a kid for a little while,” says Dan, who explains they've created a relaxed home environment without too many strict rules. “We tell them, ‘Don't swear in our house, be nice to everyone and if you are going to stay out overnight, phone us and let us know.' They always call. If you don't have a lot of rules, they don't have a lot of rules to break.”

Greatest joys: Sometimes it's the small things that are the most meaningful, such as the call Joann received on Mother's Day from a girl who had moved out three years before. Then there was the angry and aggressive little boy who, when she tucked him in at night, would tell her he loved her. “And that was after only a week,” says Joann. “I'd tell myself to keep trying with this kid because he had a lot of love in him.”

Foster parenting has also had a positive effect on her biological children. “My teens have seen firsthand what drugs and alcohol can do to kids,” she says. “They've learned to be compassionate. I think they will go far in life in terms of knowing how to work with other people.”

Challenges: Some foster kids have a bleak outlook on life. “They have no future in their own heads, and it can be pretty tough to get by that,” says Dan. “We try to let them know if they can get through high school and university, they can change their lives.”

The Tanners have also had to work hard at being patient with kids who act out. “We try not to get angry because the kids have often come from angry homes,” says Joann. “We've had to teach ourselves self-control and to create the calmest environment for them that we possibly can.”

Words of wisdom: The Tanners believe they are giving their foster children a glimpse of a happy and healthy home life that they will keep with them into the future. “If kids can get a good foundation in the early years, it makes such a difference to their lives,” says Joann. “If you can help even just one child, that's an incredible job. There are kids out there that need you, and if you do this, you'll never be the same again.”

Facts about fostering

• Since 1998, the number of kids in foster care across Canada has increased 65 per cent to 76,000, in part because the definition of a child in need of protection has been expanded to include emotional mistreatment and exposure to domestic violence.

• The average foster child is placed in seven different foster homes.

• The age of the average foster child is eight, but foster children range in age from newborn to 16 to 19 years old, depending on the province.

• About 22,000 foster children have parents whose parental rights have been terminated by the courts.

• Only a small number of kids (about 1,700 in Canada in 2004) in foster care end up being adopted by their foster parents.

• About 30 to 40 per cent of foster children are aboriginal even though they represent less than five per cent of the total population in Canada. While attempts are made to place these children in aboriginal homes, because of the large numbers many are cared for by nonaboriginal foster families.

What you need to give as a foster parent:
• An open heart and a love of children. Foster children are likely to have experienced trauma in their young lives and will require plenty of love
and patience.

• Adequate space. You will need to provide a foster child with his or her own bed and enough room for daily activities, such as playing or homework.

• Plenty of time. Because of their high needs you'll need to give foster children plenty of attention to help them with their growth and development.

• A secure family life. Emotional and financial stability is a must. All members of the family should agree with the decision to foster.

• A willingness to learn. Foster families are offered and encouraged to take training courses to further their abilities in caring for foster children.

• Foster parent candidates: Foster parents can include married couples, common law couples, single people and members of the gay and
lesbian communities.

Here's what you'll receive:
• Choice regarding which children you foster. Foster parents have a say in the age and gender of the children they'd like to foster, as well as the particular emotional or behavioural challenges they feel equipped to handle.

• Ongoing financial and professional support. Foster parents are paid a daily rate per foster child, which ranges across the country but generally starts at $30 a day and goes up to $50 or more, depending on the amount of training they receive and the needs of the children they care for. Expenses such as clothing, medical and dental needs, school- and recreation-related expenses are also covered. They also receive regular visits from a social worker.

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