Celebrating Christmas with a blended family

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Christmas with a blended family can be extraordinarily difficult. Old angers, resentments and conflicts can wreak havoc with carefully made plans. It takes time and tact to combine old traditions as you discover new ones. Have a family discussion about plans and expectations -- allow each family member to express their feelings. Try to compromise where you can. If you expect some disharmony, you will be better prepared to deal with it. Holidays can be trigger points for emotional outbursts; children grieve for a long time for the family, and the holiday, they used to have. Remember who is the grown-up. Be patient. Give extra hugs.

• If you can afford to, consider spending Christmas somewhere new this year. A place which has no family history for either part of your blended family is a better choice than one where either side has previously visited. Take lots of games and activities along.

• Ask your children which traditions they really want to bring to the new family and incorporate some of their ideas. While all children need the stability and comfort old traditions offer, children in blended families need them even more.

• Create some new traditions together -- ordering pizza on Christmas Eve, going skating or making a wreath with boughs and pinecones collected on a family walk might be fun ones to begin with.

• Spend the same amount on gifts for each child. Make sure that the number of gifts children receive are also as even as possible -- children are quick to spot unfairness.

• Talk to grandparents about gifts. Perhaps they could give a family gift rather than individual presents, or all of the children might get a small gift such as a cozy sweatshirt or a pair of pajamas.

• Clear your calendar as much as possible to make time for family. People will understand when you explain that your family has made a decision to spend more time at home together this year.

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Excerpted from Gifts from the Heart: Simple Ways to Make Your Family's Christmas More Meaningful by Virginia Brucker. Copyright 2006 by Virginia Brucker. Book sales support cancer research. To date, over $98,500 has been raised for the Canadian Cancer Society. A newly revised and expanded edition of Gifts from the Heart is available at bookstores across Canada.

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