Daddy's girl

There are several reasons why adult daughters can feel disconnected from their fathers. For many, Mom was the primary caregiver and Dad was the emotionally distant provider.

Perhaps your father was the breadwinner and was, often, away from the family. And even when he was home, Mom was usually in charge. In many families, Dad was "King of the Castle" — authoritarian, meting out discipline, or laying down rules.

Despite the challenges of father/daughter relationships, many women feel a sense of being special to their father. Often, though, women carry a sense of an unresolved past or the emptiness of a disconnected relationship with their dad.

Here are some ways to help build stronger father/daughter bonds:

1. Challenge family patterns
Acknowledge the routines that block you from having a good relationship with your dad. For example, if your father hands the phone to your mother every time you call, consider asking to speak to him for a while first. If your dad is domineering, find ways to disallow him from controlling you. Stand up to him, if that feels safe.

2. Venture into uncharted territory
Work toward evolving an adult friendship with him. Show your dad the adult side of yourself by talking to him about your job or your life. Consider opening up to him about a problem or issue you are dealing with.

3. Ask about his life
Many women feel that they don't know anything about their fathers. Get curious about his work experiences or what his growing-up years were like.

4. Create your own memories
Initiate a separate and distinct relationship with your dad. It can be easy to relate to our parents as a unit when, in fact, Mom and Dad are two separate individuals. Invite your father out to lunch or over for dinner. Recall the things you enjoyed doing together when you were growing up. Take initiative to resume some of these things, such as getting tickets to a baseball game and going to the event together.

5. Investigate how he shaped you
Often our dads were role models, teaching us what to do when we went out into the world. How was your dad a role model for you? What work or success values did he teach you that are now meaningful to you or help you through life? Talk to him about the influence he's had on you.

6. Confront your true emotions
If you have negative feelings toward your dad, take time to explore these emotions through self-help books, writing in a journal, or with the help of a supportive therapist. Why are you angry? What are you disappointed about in your relationship with him? What does he do in the relationship now that drives you crazy or feels bad to you? Once you clarify your feelings and your position, you can decide on a course of action, whether it's to become more realistic about his limitations, discuss a problem area with him, distance yourself, or initiate strategies such as those listed above.