Don't know how to decide? Here's 5 ways to make great decisions by keeping guilt out of the equation

Trying to overcome guilt can be as tricky as guilt itself. This devious emotion not only makes an appearance when we do something wrong (like borrowing your sister's blouse without telling her, then spilling Shiraz on it), but it can also impact how you decide important issues and determine who influences your choices.

The decisions you make should reflect what's best for you, but guilt has a sneaky way of making that easier said than done. "Guilt is a useless emotion which depletes our energy and keeps us standing still," explains Dr. Tami Kulbatski, a Toronto-based psychologist, registered with the College of Psychologists of Ontario.

Getting to know guilt
Dr. Kulbatski explains that guilt can arise in a number of situations.
• Not living up to the expectations of others
• Not living up to our own expectations
• Choosing to stay in a bad situation, such as a relationship or job that isn't working, when the thought of change causes too much anxiety or psychological discomfort
• Placing the well-being of others above your own when you are clearly in an uncomfortable or negative position
• Making decisions that have no clear-cut "right" outcome, such as being a working mom or stay-at-home mom

Some consequences of making decisions based on guilt include:
• Low self-esteem
• Anger (towards yourself or others)
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Neglecting your dreams or goals
• Shame and self-loathing

Overcoming guilt
Here are five ways to put guilt aside when making a decision:

1. Don't let others push you into a decision
Making decisions can be hard enough. The process is even harder when you have outside pressures. Trying to make a tough choice? Ask yourself if you feel you are being coerced into the decision, says Dr. Kulbatski. She suggests looking for 'should' and 'must' statements from others.

If someone else is involved in the process of helping you make a decision, watch out for phrases such as "You should" or "You should have," Dr. Kulbatski explains. These phrases will signal to you when somebody is attempting to impose their values or expectations on you. Often times those phrases are used as forms of manipulation and control, she says.

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