Finding a healthy balance: The single parent formula

1. Identify the priorities of your life:
Write a list of the factors that make your life complete, enjoyable and healthy. Don't feel guilty if you put yourself at the top of the list. After all, without taking care of "you" there would be no one to take care of "them" (the children). When you make your list, identify the obvious ones, like your job, for your economic survival. Then, list all other factors that satisfy the non-material aspects of your life, like developing your spiritual side and spending time with friends. These are all factors that contribute to a healthy mental and spiritual self. An example would be:

• Me and my well being (including mental, physical, emotional and spiritual)
• Children
• Hobbies
• Domestic duties
• Socializing with friends & extended family
• Career

2. List the various topics that fall into the categories of priorities:
To be clear on what you are trying to achieve, it's important to define the actual activities that make up the category of your life that you've identified as a key ingredient in creating balance. Be specific about the amount of time you could realistically devote to this activity on a weekly basis. For example, under HEALTH, you can list the following:

• Exercising 3 times a week
• Eating a balanced diet everyday
• Sleeping an average of 8 hours a night
• Drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day
• Taking vitamin supplements every day

3. Rank the categories of priorities according to their importance to you:
Figuring out what is at the top of the list will help you to decide what factors takes precedence over the other when you are faced with a trade-off (which will happen often).

1 Kids
2 Me
3 Career
4 Friends and other family
5 Extracurricular activities
6 Domestic duties

4. Define how you came to the ranking of priorities:
By justifying your choice in ranking these priorities, you will feel less guilty when you have to make tough decisions. You may find yourself in a position where you want to be at your child's concert but the demands of your job are conflicting with your personal choice. As emotionally tormenting as this may be, there is a way to find a compromise that suits both parties. That compromise can mean telling your boss that you will come in to work earlier to finish the job or take the work home so that you can attend your child's performance. Defining your choices will help you achieve peace of mind more quickly when you are faced with this scheduling conflict.

Once you have your priorities straight, don't forget to make time for relaxation so you can recharge your batteries. As parents, we are accustomed to looking after everyone's needs and putting ourselves last. Remember to reward yourself and find the time, at the end of each day, to do something enjoyable and relaxing. Just for you.

Happy balancing!

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