Growing up lesbian or gay in Canada

'The confusion and anxiety of being gay'
The energy, enthusiasm and attention that most youth typically devote to the everyday matters of friends, homework, hobbies, wangling concert tickets, dating, planning for the future and just being happy can get siphoned off if you're a youth caught up in the confusion and anxiety of being gay. Your focus is often diverted into hours of agonizing brooding or unhealthy acting-out accompanied by a battered self-esteem – hardly the best raw material for nurturing adolescence.

Tewksbury, who's candid about his formative years spent in hiding – from himself as well as family and friends – hits upon an important developmental issue when he says that "accepting and embracing my sexuality enabled me, as a competitor in sports, to finally tap into myself. In order to give absolutely everything, you have to know yourself. Because I was repressing the real me, I couldn't grow to my potential. I wasn't all there. I didn’t know myself," says the three-time Olympic medallist. "Coming to terms with my sexuality, who I really was, allowed me to perform at my best."

And isn't that what we truly want for all of our youth, regardless of their sexual orientation?

Coming out
Ann and Edgar knew something was up when their son Robert sent an e-mail before coming home from university to Moncton for Thanksgiving in 2005. "He said he wanted a family meeting as he had something to tell us," recalls Ann. He sat everyone down and told them he was gay. "It was somewhat shocking to hear my son say it," says Ann. "I think my husband and I were both so overwhelmed at first we didn't know what to think. Looking back at his childhood and teens, I think perhaps there were signs, but you never really know until someone comes out and tells you."

Thus began Ann and Edgar's journey to understand and accept their son's sexuality. They lived with the news for a month before approaching their minister, who offered to accompany them to their first PFLAG Canada meeting the following January.

Looking for support
Ann says she was terrified before going to the first meeting, afraid who she'd see. "I was so worked up I truly thought I was going to be sick," says Ann. "The first meeting showed us that we weren't alone, but most importantly, we came to understand that our son Robert wasn't alone, and that was a huge relief. As a parent, you worry about your children."

Their son accompanied them to one meeting and shared his own story about his years of struggling with his sexuality, how he had sought counselling and support before coming out to his parents. "I think he really wanted to be sure of himself before he said anything to us," says Ann.

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