Growing up lesbian or gay in Canada

The conversation
Olympic medallist Mark Tewksbury offers candid tips on coming out to parents, family and friends.
1. Choose the right time. "Don't pick Christmas Day! Such gatherings can often be loaded with all kinds of other emotions and stress. Choose a time when you won't be interrupted and there's no other family drama."

2. Gather a support circle. "No matter what happens, have a supportive friend on standby regardless of how well the coming-out conversation goes. It's good to have someone there for you."

3. Expect the best, prepare for the worst. "You must be optimistic and realistic. For the most part, I've met with acceptance and compassion when coming out to family and friends – though there have been exceptions. Some people require more time to process new information. Be positive but be ready in case the reaction isn't as embracing as you hope."

4. Try to be comfortable. "How do you start? How about, 'I'm gay,'" Mark jokes. "It doesn't help to set up the conversation in an ominous tone, so that it sounds like you're going to deliver bad news. Don't give it unnecessary extra weight."

5. Choose your medium. "There's a lot of discussion about sending a letter or e-mail as a way of coming out to family and friends. To each his own. Personally, I find tone of voice and body language can help soften the message, but really, it depends on the individual."

6. Be completely sure you know what you're doing. "You must be ready to live with the consequences, whatever you decide to say. Once you've told someone you're gay, you've set something in motion – there's no going back. Understand that you will have to live with the outcome of that coming-out conversation."

7. Be confident. "If you're feeling good and looking relaxed, that will help. The coming-out conversation doesn't have to be a bomb-dropping."

8. Don't hesitate to ask for support. 'If you're talking to family members or perhaps a group of buddies on a sports team, don't be shy about saying, 'I know some of you might not be comfortable right now, but this is what I really need. I need to be me.'"

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