Holiday survival guide: 10 expert tips for domestic bliss

Ah, the holidays -- that lovely time of year full of peace and goodwill, and sentiments of good cheer issued at every turn. Well, maybe not quite. Despite people's best intentions, the holidays bring with them not only the promise of merrymaking, but also the potential for domestic conflict. Bev Behar, a registered marriage and family therapist based in Thornhill, Ont., shares 10 ways to find domestic bliss during the holidays.

1. Lend a helping hand
Most of us are busy, busy, busy -- on a good day. However, Behar points out that many people feel more overextended over the holidays, because workloads increase dramatically. "Share responsibilities and chores around the holidays," she advises. "Pitch in and be fair."

2. Say a kind word
When your partner lends a helping hand, be sure to speak up and demonstrate your gratitude. "Show appreciation and give accolades to your partner for things he's done," Behar says. Also, "Let him know in a positive way if you need more positive feedback than he's giving you."

3. Be respectful
Merging the holiday traditions of two individuals can cause tension, so be patient when your partner offers up her version of "how things should be." "Think pluralistically," says Behar. "When you're respectful to each other, finding creative solutions is easy."

4. Be prepared
"Be prepared for strain on everyone's parts, and watch for 'stress reactions,'" says Behar. "Does one of you get lazier, the other one more controlling than usual during busy times? Try to bring your partner's attention to his behaviour gently and respectfully so you can both try to understand what's going on."

5. Choose your battles
Where will you spend Christmas Eve? Where will you spend Christmas Day? This question often poses a problem. "Extended families are usually full of quirks, in-fighting and limitations," says Behar. "Choose your battles carefully and remember to count your blessings before getting done in by family squabbles."

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