How to organize an intervention

Elliot's interventions involve getting loved ones to stop this behaviour. While it appears extreme, Robert Meyers, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of New Mexico's Center on Alcoholism, Substance Abuse and Addiction, says: "If someone passes out [from drugs or alcohol], as long as he's not so sick he will die, just leave him there. The goal is for the person to see the natural consequences of his behaviour on himself and others. And [this is] not going to happen if you keep covering for him."

Beth Hedva, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist in Calgary adds, "Be very clear and concrete about the behaviours and the impact they have had on you, without belittling or guilt-tripping the person. Then be very clear about your limits and what you will and won't do anymore." (For example, say "I won't help you pay off your credit card debt" if the person has a problem with gambling.) Then, follow through on your word. Hedva adds, "If it is someone you are living with, you may have to say, 'I am not able to help you with this, and I cannot live with you while you are actively using.'"

Maté, who dedicates an entire chapter of his book to family and friends, echoes these sentiments. The point, he says, is to maintain your emotional relationship without allowing yourself to be exploited. "You have to look at your own attitudes and why you are focusing so much energy on another person. If we can look at ourselves with compassion, then we can compassionately look at the addict."

Be compassionate
And it's compassion, all the experts say, that will have the most impact in getting an addict to change. "Motivate them," says Meyers, who then gives an example of a husband whose wife is hooked on Oxycontin, a prescription painkiller, and wine. He can start distancing himself from her. "If she smells like alcohol, walk away," he recommends. "Say something like, 'I don't want to be part of that.' When his wife is sober, the husband can reward the sobriety by spending time with her."

Most addicts, says Maté, know their behaviour has negative consequences. "But our habits are powerful," he says. "The emotional centres in the brain are more hardwired than our cognitive and logical brain functions. Think of how many New Year's resolutions you've started and then broken. Habits are hard to break, even when we know they're hurting us or other people."

Page 3 of 4 - Read page 3 to find out how Sarah's daughter ended up with a drinking problem and how she could help her.