The day Isabella* met Eli* last May, she thought her luck had finally changed. At 24, the vivacious Ottawa woman had already gone through a virtual Bridget Jones' Diary of commitment-phobic, secretly married or leechlike boyfriends, only to be disappointed, hurt or bemused.
But Eli, whom she met through online dating, was different. Tall (six foot three), dark (her big weakness) and handsome (bonus!), the 26-year-old was stylish, drove a great car and boasted a comfortable government job. He smoothly complimented her on being so young to own a hairdressing business. "He was charming, employed and tidy," recalls Isabella, "and the best thing I’d seen in a while."
"Too good to be true"
He was also too good to be true. The fairy-tale prince was not just a frog but possibly a psychopath, one of an estimated 300,000 in Canada living next door to you, sharing your work cubicle or teaching your kids. Although a prominent few make murderous headlines – think Paul Bernardo – many are quiet "social predators who charm, manipulate and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations and empty wallets," says Robert Hare, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver and a world authority on psychopathy.
"They’re not random; most of us will bump into a psychopath every week," he says. "They may not have any impact on you, but they are willing to do something really nasty without any concern to what happens to you, if you get close enough."
So it was for Isabella. By the end of their only date, Eli had covertly lifted her business account card and PIN when she handed him her wallet to show him photos, waved her off with a cheery "I’m going shopping!" before blowing $3,000 of her money in a four-hour spree. Investigating police said it was his regular scam, and that he’d been convicted of fraud five months earlier.
Learning a hard lesson
"The lesson I learned?" asks Isabella, laughing bitterly. "Don’t give out personal information on a first date and don’t trust anyone." Harsh words, but apt. "Would he do this to his mother, father or sister?" ponders Hare, author of Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us (Guildford, 1999, $13.89) and coauthor of Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work (ReganBooks, 2006, $15.70). "I suspect he would. If someone uses crime as a systemic thing, it’s a psychopathic characteristic."
A psychopath's characteristics
But not the only one. Indeed, a psychopath’s profile reads like Machiavelli’s personal shopping list: callous, parasitic, cunning, grandiose, shallow and lacking in empathy. Psychopaths are also manipulative, irresponsible, easily bored, lacking in self-control, promiscuous and unwilling to accept blame. Sadly, those traits remain invisible until after the psychopath has already ensnared you with charisma, lies and glib chatter.
Not that every deceitful and egocentric person that crosses your path is a psychopath – but there’s a good chance he is. Although approximately one per cent of the population meets enough criteria to earn the label, a further one or two per cent (up to another 600,000 Canadians) are borderline; they can be dynamic, fearless, focused and highly successful, but lack other key qualities of a true psychopath. Either way, they are born with "significant genetic factors involved in the development of [psychopathic] traits," says Hare. With assessed psychopaths, however, nurturing takes over from nature "to mould, change and modify [them]."
Page 1 of 3 - Read page two to find out howa psychopath can ruin your life
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