Is holiday stress hurting your kids?

A few days before last Christmas, at a gathering of mothers from my youngest son's senior kindergarten class, I asked for ideas on how to decrease our children's, and therefore our own, stress over the holidays. We came up with three creative suggestions: Gravol, duct tape and earplugs.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of bliss for kids of all ages, but sometimes they can be anything but. "Christmas is a roller coaster of emotions for children," says Dee Leifso, a child and youth counsellor and family therapist in Stratford, Ont. But the roller coaster isn't limited to emotions, she adds.

Christmas opens the gates for social, physical and spiritual stressors, too. What's more, we may miss the signs that our kids are stressed, such as avoiding social interaction or complaining of stomachaches, say experts with the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Clinic at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto.

The good news is that when we identify and take steps to relieve holiday stress, we can all relax and savour the season. Here are some duct-tape-free solutions to alleviate your children's holiday stress.

Social stress
What it looks like
Christmas is a whirlwind of parties, concerts, meals and visits with relatives. Stresses that arise from social situations are pervasive at this time of the year and affect children of all ages: toddlers miss regular play dates as schedules crowd up; school-aged kids are prepping for pageants and wondering if they've put the right things on their Santa lists; and teens agonize about time spent with family cutting into time spent with the budding love of their life. "Many children are from broken homes and blended families, so there are far more relatives to visit over the holidays," says Leifso. Other kids become stressed for the opposite reason. "They don't have family living close by, so they don't get to see their grandparents or aunts, uncles and cousins, and they feel extremely left out of the feeling of family during the holidays."

How you can help
• Just say no. There are some invitations you just have to turn down. If your kids are old enough, ask for their help in deciding which events to skip -- their responses may surprise you. "Nobody wants to hurt the feelings of others in declining their invitations, but we need to remember that our focus should be on the children," says Leifso.

• Look for ways to combine events. Instead of spending a fidgety evening at Aunt Jillian's, for example, bring her along to help the kids buy teacher gifts.

• Talk to your child about what events are planned and when they will have free time.

• Reschedule every nonessential appointment that can be tended to in January, such as going to the dentist.

• If too few relatives is a concern, alleviate the feeling of loneliness by inviting friends and neighbours over during the Christmas break.

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