Is holiday stress hurting your kids?

Emotional stress
What it looks like
You need all your fingers to count the emotional stressors at Christmas: anticipation, desire, disappointment, joy, love, divided loyalties -– the list goes on. They all can lead to feelings of jealousy and resentment toward others, which culminates in guilt. As well, kids feel frustrated at simply being out of control of the situation, says Leifso. They may also have a sense of inadequacy, such as being unable to afford a fancy gift for a best friend or boyfriend or knowing they won't get the expensive new gadget all their friends are asking for. "The range of emotions results in a loss of self-control, and often outbursts of tears are the result," says Leifso. And don't forget the raw emotions that arise in children whose parents are divorced or separated as they try to please both parents.

How you can help
• Sit down and make a list of potential concerns your child may have, such as a party at school, and discuss coping strategies she can use, such as visualization to picture herself having fun or talking with certain friends.

• Well in advance of any situation that could invite an invitation to perform, such as Christmas dinner at Grandma's, sit down and ask your child if he really likes being in the spotlight. If he doesn't, let him off the hook. He should be able to enjoy family gatherings like everyone else.

• As for visitors who have a stellar track record for appearing late or being no-shows, Leifso suggests saying nothing to your child about the impending arrival. "Let the surprise happen on the day, so if something happens to change those plans, there is no disappointment and no unnecessary feelings of rejection are passed on to the child."

• If your plans involve travelling and sleeping away, bring along a favourite pillow for teens or blanket for children. Even a familiar toothpaste or water glass may help calm anxiety caused by unfamiliar territory.

Physical stress
What it looks like
Sam Graci, a nutritional lifestyle researcher in B.C.'s Gulf Islands, has made a career of studying teenagers and nutrition. "At Christmas, there's no routine," he says. "The family steps out and eats poorly, the shopping craze sets in for younger people with peer pressure and stressing over gifts, while a grab-and-feed mentality sets in and the body and mind become exhausted." Indeed, he says, the holidays can cause children and teens to experience nutritional deficiencies. And if a lack of vitamins and nutrients weren't enough, excitement leads to poor sleep, tummy troubles, acne flare-ups and headaches.

How you can help
• "Pay attention to your kids' basic nutrition," says Graci. Place healthy snacks, such as cut-up veggies, nuts, raisins and colourful fruit, right in the middle of the kitchen table. If you have to have chips, only serve baked ones, and hand out healthy protein bars.

• On the days when you can eat at home, serve healthy meals, says Leifso. "Family mealtime lets parents and kids connect."

• Drink lots of water; try sodium-free soda water with a little fruit juice concentrate instead of pop for kids.

• Fit in any physical activity you can, especially as a family.

• Introduce vitamins and supplements when diets are less nutritious than normal.

• Read a book to children at bedtime or offer soothing music to fall asleep, says Leifso.

• Teach teens to take a few minutes of their day to sit quietly and focus on their breathing to calm themselves down and refocus.

• A gentle back rub, touch or words of love from a parent go a long way to keep a child centred and stress-free.

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