Let Dad do it differently

"What too many men (and women) don't realize is that to the extent that women are 'better' parents, it's simply because they've had more practice. In fact, the single most important factor in determining the depth of long-term father-child relationships is opportunity."
-- Armin Brott

A friend recently recalled the time she left her two children with their father for the day. When she returned in the late afternoon, she was surprised that they were already in their pajamas. When she asked her husband why, he said, "What pajamas?" He hadn't realized that they were wearing their pajamas from the night before, so the kids had worn them to all their outings that day! Thankfully, my friend was wise enough to laugh it off, suppress the haunting images of other mothers shaking their heads, and appreciate the day she had to herself.

If we want to diminish the micro-mommy madness of our generation, we need to be willing to share parenting and let Dad find his own way. Yet at the same time, we know that some parental consistency is important. Consider these tips to help you determine when it's important to let go and let Dad do it differently. ("Dad" can be substituted with any partner in parenting.)

1. House rules
Agree on the general rules of the household and consequences for breaking them. If you discipline your children for whacking each other and your partner laughs it off, the whacking will continue and you'll be the "mean" parent while your partner is the "fun" one. Consistency with rules and discipline is important. Sit down with your partner at least twice a year to update the rules and discipline. Make sure everyone in the family understands the laws that govern your house.

2. Keep your domain
If there are certain areas where you just can't stand the thought of letting him do it his own way, pick your top two or three and do those yourself. For instance, if your partner is in charge of supervising cleanup with the kids -- and, upon completion, you wonder when they are going to start -- you may solve a lot of arguments by keeping this job in your domain.

Read parenting tips from midlife moms who've been there.

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