Quiz: Is your friend out of control?

A bizarre new haircut. An obnoxious, possibly sleazy boyfriend. Quitting her job to backpack through El Salvador.

Your friend (or mom or niece or, heaven forbid, daughter) has always been a free spirit (or, perhaps, more alarmingly, she hasn't been), but has she finally lost her marbles à la famous flameouts Britney Spears (and her head-shaving episode) and, closer to home, Margot Kidder? Take our quiz and find out if you should take some snapshots to embarrass her with once she's come to her senses -- or if you should stage an intervention, pronto.

1. Has she suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, latched on to a crazy diet: tomatoes and apples, say, or a cleansing fast or….colonic irrigation?
a) Yes (2 points)
b) No (0 points)

2. Has she been getting drunk on a regular basis?
a) Yes (2 points)
b) No (0 points)

3. She's called, begging you to provide her with an alibi because…
a) She was seeing this other guy and needs you to cover in case her boyfriend/husband/kids phoned your place looking for her (2 points)
b) You work together, and she took off mid-day, and she needed you to pretend you saw her looking queasy in the lobby (1 point)
c) Her parole officer was looking for her (3 points)
d) All of the above (10 bonus points)

4. Honestly: Why do you dislike her wacky new haircut?
a) It looks like it's a protest statement against vanity (3 points)
b) It cost waaaaaay too much money (0 points)
c) It cost waaaaaay tooo much money -- money she doesn't have, working at a donut shop and all (1 point)
d) You're sort of jealous that it looks really edgy (0 points)
e) She went and had it done without consulting with any of her gal pals, including you (1 point)

5. She's hired a…
a) Psychic (2 points)
b) "Rebirthing" coach (2 points)
c) Relative to be her "manager" or "agent" (2 points)
d) Kabbalah adviser (2 points)
e) Bookie (2 points)

6. We're talking gut instinct, first impressions: on the scale of sleaziness, where would you place her new boyfriend/husband, with 0 being Dr. McDreamy (100% certifiably sleaze-free) and 10 being Fed-Ex (totally skeevy)?

Patrick Dempsey (Dr. McDreamy) 0
|
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Kevin Federline (Fed-Ex) 10

(Add one point for every point you assign her man)

7. Does she financially support her man as he tries to get his own career started? If so, what is his intended career?
a) Working toward a profession (enrolled in law school/articling, medical school/interning) (0 points)
b) Working toward an unconventional trade, but one requiring an internship/apprenticeship or training (flying trapeze artist, artisan, tattoo artist) (1 point)
c) "Becoming a Superstar" (Canada's next great musician or singer, actor, criminal mastermind) (3 points)
d) Add a bonus 3 points if Dean McDermott (aka Mr. Tori Spelling), er, I mean, "her guy" is over age 35

8. In order to prepare for her big vacation-of-a-lifetime, she is
a) Bringing out the Lonely Planet Guides and trying to convince all her gal pals to embark on a girls-only backpacking and cultural exploration tour of South America (0 points)
b) Selling all her belongings and finding a home for her cats (2 points)
c) Selling rights to her memoirs (3 points)
d) Buying some cute luggage and a pickpocket-proof girdle (0 points)
e) Buying rolls of duct tape, latex balloons, a waterproof girdle and laxatives (5 points)

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