The emotional costs of divorce

4. Loss of social status.
The stigma that still surrounds divorce leaves many people feeling alone, isolated and like a failure. Remember that you are NOT a failure just because you've been through a divorce. Try to seek out others who've gone through this -- talk to friends who are divorced or join a support group.

5. Loss of having married parents for your children.
If you have children, their sadness or anger about the divorce will likely be hard on you. They may act out or withdraw. Summon the energy to get proactive in your parenting. Read some parenting books on the subject and talk to other divorced parents about what worked for them. Then put a plan in place for how you're going to parent your kids through this. They'll improve and you'll feel better about yourself as a parent too.

6. Loss of the person you loved.
Even though the relationship got bad enough that you needed to divorce, things weren't always that way. At one time you were in love with each other. Try to honour what you were to each other. Give yourself time to mourn. Take stock of how the relationship enriched you and what it has taught you. What do you know now that you can apply to your next relationship (yes, there will likely be a next relationship.)

Divorce is a transitional time. Know that you will get through this and trust that there's a bright light on the other side of this -- that bright light is your future life.

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Carole-Anne Vatcher, MSW, RSW is a Toronto-based individual and couple therapist in private practice. She has been interviewed for Homemakers, Reader's Digest, and Canadian Living magazines. You may have seen her appearances on Canada AM, The Erin Davis Show, W Live, and CityTV's TalkTV. Carole-Anne helps people improve their relationships and make important changes in their lives. You can visit her website at www.torontotherapy.ca.