Thriving as a family

Sharing the load
The way that parents show their love for their child, particularly when the child is a baby, is not by what they say but by what they do. All the attention that you and your partner give the baby -- the changing, the feeding, the playing, the rocking -- is how your child learns that he's well-loved.

All that attention takes time, which is why many couples begin their discussion with the topic "Who does what?" in their post-baby world. A recent study showed that, before a child arrives, male and female partners each spend 40 hours a week on paid employment and 20 hours a week on work in the home. When the woman returns to the work force after the birth of a child, her hours per week jump to 90 -- what some call the double-day -- while the man's total hours stay at the original 60. It's not hard to imagine the kind of resentment, not to mention exhaustion, that disparity in time will create. Take a close look at how the two of you share the load.

If you're a single parent
Single-parent families, even more than two-parent families, need support. Single parents should take help wherever they can find it, whether through informal systems like family and friends or through more formalized routes like local single parents groups. It's particularly critical to do so during the early months, when the tasks of caring for a new baby can often seem overwhelming. Equally important for single parents is a dedication to making or finding time for themselves, away from their children, on a regular basis. Accept all baby-sitting offers from trustworthy family and friends whenever they're extended.

Despite all the work, and sometimes the guilt, of raising children on your own, there are some positives to single parenthood. Many single parents feel their relationship with their children is much closer than it might have been otherwise. There is no co-management and, therefore, no parental battles. And, for all the times when you alone are to blame, there are just as many times when you alone deserve all the credit.

Excerpted from Growing with Your Child: Pre-Birth to age 5 by Christine Langlois. Copyright 1998 by Telemedia Communications Inc. Excerpted, with permission by Ballantine Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.